Wednesday, November 28, 2012

the first trimester diet

the first thing you want to think about is what will come up easily
thats right
you do want it to go down but you'll want to expect it to be coming back at some point so chips and chopped salad probably isn't a good plan right now
things like applesauce, oatmeal....lemon water. those are things that might come up easy

next think of what you can't stand the sight or smell of:
chicken, mint, sweet, cumin, beer, plain water, broccoli, cabbage, carrots, saltines, cookies,
don't even bother trying to eat these as they will be puked out short after trying and you will have wasted them

add cinnamon to anything you can...even hot water
this helps with nausea i promise
unless of course its on your "i can't stand the sight of it" list
like mint

now, if you have a moment in the day where something sounds absolutely delicious and you're actually hungry, EAT! quickly. but no more than a few bites. this feeling wont last long. also if you get yourself even remotely full you will be sick not long after

in order to not get dehydrated, mix tiny amounts of your kids vitamin drink in some water and sip on that all day. at least you're getting something right?
and don't believe the gingerale myth
its just sugar and will not help you at all
most ginger ale doesn't even have ginger in it
stay away from that
stick with things like lemon water, fresh ginger tea, and hot water with cinnamon and honey

next, apoligize to your family in advance for the large amounts of tofu and beans you will be cooking in the next several months since the smell of chicken makes you gag
also say you're sorry for the fact that you can't stand the taste of gum or mints...unless its fruit flavored of course. but even that is pushing it

make a great effort to cook dinner in the morning since noon is when it gets real bad
start stocking up on packages of tofu, rice pasta, chicken sausage, and basil marinara fron trader joes since thats what youre going to be making your family eat quite often
be thankful you married a man who loves italian food


the end

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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

3 birth stories in a row. cover your eyes. this could get nasty.

as per the request of a pregnant friend i am going on a blogging adventure with my first 3 births
if you are squeemish please don't read this
i'm not shy
i went to see my midwife for my 37 week appointment and was told that my BP was way too high
i was sent into Mercy hospital in Aurora, IL for observation for a few hours
a few hours turned into overnight...which i was not happy about at all
she told me i was having contractions every 2 minutes but i didn't believe her since i could barely feel a thing
around 1145pm i decided to try to get some sleep
sleep? with stupid monitors attached to me?
anyways...i was falling asleep
midnight struck
POP! water broke
just like that
i yelled some explatives and told chris to find my nurse
she came in to check me and make sure i hadn't just peed myself since this was my first baby and maybe i didn't know what i was talking about
i mean really? a water balloon just popped between my legs. i think i know the difference between that and peeing
chris turned this awesome ghostly white color and was instructed to "sit down please dad"
which he gladly did
within 2 minutes of the flood, the real contractions started
yeah i was surprised
i knew they would be bad but i didn't know THIS bad
i had to lie in bed due to my pre-eclampsia problem which was literally the worst position for me to be in
around 2am chris decided to pretend to sleep
i didnt find out he was pretending until izzy was 6months old
he said he was tired of hearing me moan
oh chris
he has come a looooong way since that night
by 8am i was 6cm and my midwife came in to see how i was doing
she let me get up for a little bit
i swore
i yelled
i knew nothing of this relaxing she was talking about
i think izzy would have been born several hours earlier if i had known what i heck i was doing
at 11am i got the urge to push
oh thank the good Lord!
at 1220pm out she came!
all gray and slimy
chris started bawling because he thought something was wrong with her
i had tried to warn him that its not like the movies but he didn't want to hear about it
so he had to learn the hard way that a newborn infant is not pink and fat and beautiful
oh no
they are nasty and covered in white slime and sometimes a grayish purple color
also they have a conehead
so adorable!
my midwife said "tell mom what you have dad"
chris said "i can't see! i'm crying"
so we discovered it was a girl
we named her isabella
chris cut the cord and she started nursing within minutes of her entry into the world
i thought that since izzy was born at 37 weeks this next one might come at the same time
but no
he had to wait an extra week just to make me that much more excited to see him
i had been having some awesome fake contractions for months
the night i went into labor thats what i thought was going on
but when i tried to lie down to get some rest i couldn't get comfortable
i still didn't think it was labor
i drank a huge glass of water
then another
then tried to lie down again
no such luck
still miserable
did i think i was in real labor?
of course not
then at 10pm, BAM! those real contractions i had forgotten all about
somehow after each birth you forget what REAL contractions feel like
i think God did that so we'd still want more kids
although now with all the epidurals and stuff women don't have to feel anything
but for me, yes, i feel them. all the way till the end
anyways, i started panicing because it started so fast
i made chris call my mom, who we had decided would help with coaching in the hospital
she jumped out of bed, and out of the pop up camper they were living in down the road at the time
and had dad drive her here within about 2 seconds
mom called my midwife when we were on our way to vandy
my contractions were coming 4 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds
yep, this was not a joke
i was riding in the front seat of our cherokee
NOT a smooth ride
especially with chris freaking out and going 90
i pretty much almost killed him each time we hit a bump
our marriage was hanging on a thread there for a minute
just kidding
but seriously men...chill out on the driving on the wives to the hospital
if they have the kid in the car its not the end of the world
we pulled into the ER, i got wheeled into the waiting room in the worlds MOST uncomfortable wheel chair
and then i was left there, in hard labor, for 45 minutes
yes ladies, 45 minutes of yelling and screaming in a waiting room full of people
finally i got into a room and was told i was 5 cm.
phew! no baby in the car
not that i would have really cared
this was about midnight
2am i was 7cm
7am....still 7cm
then i started crying
an entire night of labor and barely anything to show for it
i had tried every position, lying, standing ,squatting, the shower, the birthing ball, hands and knees....but nothing
at 10am i finally let my midwife break my water...since i was STILL 7cm. boy did that get things going
let me tell you though, that was the worst part of the whole night.
the contractions got a million times worse
within an hour i was pushing and an hour later out came reed
although we were so excited the whole thing was over that we forgot to even check what i had just pushed out
we were just excited
i remember somebody saying "what is it?"
oh yeah. sorry people. its a boy.
reed was not a great nurser
the first night was miserable
lots of screaming (by him of course) and i cried
now looking back and knowing what i know about him i think it was due to his allergies
a pediatrician would probably call me crazy but i think he was reacting even when i was pregnant with him

sweet little hank decided to follow the trend and wait yet another week to make his appearance
i was 39 weeks
and miserable
september is HOT in tennessee
especially when you're fat
i had been having contractions, good ones but not too awful, for several hours that day
i called my midwife
she said "since its your 3rd i better check you just to see whats going on"
so i went in
i was 2cm
for all i know i had been 2cm for weeks
thats just how things go after the first baby
she said "walk"
so i walked the L&D floor for an hour
kept having contractions
still 2cm
she said "how about you go home and sleep and you'll probably have this baby sometime tomorrow"
so i was lying on the bed waiting for my discharge papers
2 minutes before she brought them in i had a REAL contraction
yep...those ones you forget about again
it brought a little tear to my eye
so pathetic
by the time she came back i was in the middle of another one and was white knuckling the bed
she goes "oh. well...i guess i we might not need these papers after all"
she let me get through a few more
then she checked me
what?! already?!
"ok, lets get you a room"
which i had to walk to...across the skywalk
that was weird
i had to stop every minute or 2 to grunt my way through another contraction
got into the bed for 15 minutes to be on the monitors
then i was allowed to get into the birthing tub
or the glorious birthing tub
it helped
alot actually
suddenly i thought i was goign to throw up
i didn't
but i thought i was
then i remember thinking "this is way too soon for this part of it"
then i suddenly thought i was dying
usually the "i'm dying" part of labor is right before the pushing part of labor
"there's no way" i thought. its way too soon
then i thought "if this is how its going to be for the next 10 hours i'm going to cave and get an epidural or i'm not going to make it"
i remember topher's watch touching me while he was coaching
it was cold
i got very angry
according to him i turned into satan and growled at him "get that watch away from me"
and shortly after that i really really needed my chapstick
like asap people
my midwife said "how about you get out of the tub and i'll see how much progress you've made"
i got on the bed, laid down, and felt a pop
yay! the water breaks!
at this point there was some little nursing student trying to stick an IV in my hand and trying to get me to sign some papers
my midwife pushed her back and said "get away from her. she needs to concentrate and you need to stop bothering her"
then all of a sudden i yelled "IT BURNS!"
she went to check me and i heard "oh...there's the head. i see hair"
then chris says "i have to pee"
my mom said "pee your pants chris. she's about to push"
i pushed maybe 3 or 4 times and out came a baby
NOT a cone headed baby. he wasn't in there long enough to get a funny shaped head
he was nice and purple though
he also started nursing right away
i'm pretty sure he was trying to nurse before his feet were out
i soon found myself sitting in a rather large puddle of blood
i heard the blood bank being called
i was given a shot of pitocin
then i got really dizzy and sick
but i didn't really care
i had a new baby!
would i rather have a short really really intense labor or a long still intense but not as much so labor?
i think short
at least it was over fast and i was less tired
plus i didn't have much time try to beg for drugs
also let me just say that chris has come a LONG way since izzys birth
he was so lost, the poor guy.
he really had no idea what to do so when he was pretending to sleep i couldn't possibly be mad at him
wifes: tell your husbands they HAVE to listen to what labor is going to be like because you're going to make them. even if they don't want to.
he went from pretend sleeping on the couch to saying "hannah. pretend like this is your marathon. you're almost to the finish line. you can do this"
spooning ice chips into my mouth
holding my hand
holding my leg when it was time to push
i am also extremely glad my mom was there for the 2 boys births
i was too embarassed and shy to have her there for izzys
but i mean c'mon, the woman has done this 8 times herself so she knows her stuff and she knew what to tell chris to do when he was feeling lost
for all you first timers out there i will say this:
if you plan on going natural, don't plan on wearing anything awesome for the actual birth
bring stuff for after
but something about the pain of natural child birth makes you want to be total naked or as close to it as possible by the time you're done
or maybe thats just me?
also i would say practice relaxing
and i don't mean take a nap
i mean relax your whole body
its a hard thing to do when you're at the 30th second of a 60 second contraction and you know another is going to start in 90 seconds but its absolutely necessary to let your body do what it needs to do and NOT fight it
i fought against my uterus when i was in labor with izzy and it hurt more than it should have
i didnt know this until i was having reed and my mom was coaching me on how to chill out
so if it means taking a silly birthing class just to get some instruction on how this is done, i say its worth it
also don't be weirded out if your husband is all into the whole experience
chris said he would stay by my head and only look at my face because he was pretty sure he would be too grossed out by the whole birth thing
but no. as soon as i started pushing he was watching everything
he even asked if he could watch the midwife inspect reed's placenta
and he still loves me just the same :)
he even says "after watching you have my babies i have so much more respect for women"

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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

midwives and my reasons why

just kidding i didn't but some people do
its official
i have insurance
which means i can go see my midwife on friday
which also means i will tell you all why i choose midwives and NOT a doctor
who knows. there may come a time in my life when i have to actually see an OB but i'm praying that is never the case
here are some reasons i choose midwives
1. she will be there the entire time you are in labor. there's no leaving the room for hours to go grab dinner or go to sleep
 no coming in at the last second to catch the baby....or even possibly missing it all together. nope.
 she's there.
 the whole time. and she rocks.
for my last birth my midwife went home when she decided i wasn't in active labor. then 20 minutes later i WAS in active labor and she turned right around and came back and stuck with me the whole time
its pretty much almost like having a doula. although my mom now helps out with coaching too. except with hank...hank came too fast and my poor mother stood in the corner not knowing what to do. and now chris knows what to do.
one thing he should NOT do is ask if he can go pee right when i start pushing
nope. he'll never live that one down.
2. midwives will be as non-invasive as you want them to be. they allow you to be off the monitors and walk around if everything is going fine. they encourage moving in fact.
 they also wont check dilation ever 5 seconds
3. if you want natural they're going to give you natural. they will not pressure you into early induction just because. even if you say "i'm sick of being pregnant" theyre not going to induce unless there is a legit medical reason. and i mean legit. they know the risks involved in inducing a baby before its ready: c-section, stress on the baby, stress on the mom. all that not awesome stuff.
they also wont pressure you into an epidural just because they're tired of hearing you yelling and swearing
4. she's not going to get tired of coaching you and helping you through labor and say "you're not progressing fast enough. lets do a c-section". progressing fast enough for who? sorry you missed your 9pm movie doc, but i was busy having a baby. nope. she will let things happen how they're going to happen
5. she (at least mine) will encourage yelling during the nasty nasty contractions. especially during transition.
 "yell away my dear"
6. she will not make you lie on your back with your feet in stirrups while you push. nope. we all know thats not natural anyways.
you can do it in any position you want. if birthing your baby while squating on the floor feels like the best way in the moment, go for it!
you want to use a birthing stool?
go for it.
you want to have bob marley playing in the background while pushing your kid out?
go for it
7. she will remind you over and over that you are a woman and your body was made for this. that you do not need modern medical help (most of the time) to get this child into the world. you don't need drugs and forceps and vacuums and IVs and knives and Lord knows what else.
nope. just a good old fashioned uterus and a wall to punch and a husbands hand to break and you're ready to roll
33% of all deliveries are c sections
being induced doubles your chance of having a c section
having an epidural slows down your labor in most cases which then will require pitocin....which as we already know, doubles the csection chances
hospitals get between $700 and $1200 for an epidural. hmm. i wonder why doctors are so big on talking moms into them
midwives do not like any of this
they are 100% about the laboring woman in front of them
don't let a doctor talk you into believing that childbirth is un natural and crazy to try without help
ever watched the business of being born? you probably should. it will make you angry.
also read spiritual midwifery. it will probably mostly make you laugh but its actually an awesome book. hippies rock.
so unless you can find the rare doctor that will actually treat you like a human mother, i suggest rethinking your next baby.
but thats just me
oh. and for those of you who have asked about home births and why we don't?
its simple.
we're a half hour away from the hospital and i could never forgive myself if something went wrong and we didn't make it in time
otherwise i would be down my the creek having my babies every time
i said it
in the creek
i might even put the child in a freshly gutted deer to keep them warm while i took a bite out of the placenta
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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

coming to a house in the woods this july

yes, its true. all the rumors you've seen floating around social media
keldie baby #4 is in the making
well actually...made
just brewing
due july 15th if my calculations are correct
this is how i told chris
with bath tub crayons and a very artistic picture on the shower wall
i now have an excuse to throw up wherever i want, and wear sweatpants, and take naps, and carry around a bucket and a bag of ginger
i also don't feel the need to fight off sleep at 730pm
i am one of the lucky ones who gets the "fun" pregnancy symptoms before i even know i'm pregnant
crying (more than usual anyway) nausea and sleepyness
so get off my back
im making a kid
whats your excuse?
i'm very excited
WE'RE very excited
my lady plumbing has clearly not be affected by this ovary disfunction i have
who's surprised?
probably no one
some of you may be asking "why?"
why do we not wait the usual 12 weeks to spread the news of the growing little one?
1. we can't keep secrets
2. we are excited and celebrating a little life and no matter how long we have it with us we want to be excited with our friends and family. God gave us another baby and its a baby from the moment of conception so that is something to celebrate. this is why we don't wait around for a miscarriage like most people do. if it happens we will of course be sad but at least we got the chance to love it while it was here. 
back to (1)...i found out thismorning and had to keep the secret from EVERYBODY until chris got home and found out. this practically killed me. the past 3 times he's knows pretty much immediately and then everybody else knew about 5 minutes later...when chris was done freaking out and squeezing the life out of me. this time i did not run out of the bathroom with my pants barely pulled up holding a pee stick and crying
this time i had to pretend like nothing was going on when he called
but now the world knows
surprisingly, my first thought when i was "pregnant" pop up on the test wasn't "holy crap....labor sucks"
nope. after 3 times i guess i'm over the fear
get back to be when i'm about 36 weeks
i might be freaking out
feel free to call us or text us and be excited with us 
feel free to NOT say stupid crap like "are you catholic?" or "aren't you worried about over population?" or "wow. you're stupid"
you will surely get a swift kick to the throat
yay 4! we can't wait to see you!
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Thursday, November 1, 2012

worries of an allergy mom


today was the day
occasionally i get overwhelmed by the stress and seclusion of raising a child with life threatening food allergies
there were tears
lots of tears
and some  therapytalking with a certain lovely sister of mine
can we just talk about the words "life threatening" for a second?
do you understand what that means?
life threatening
as in, a dead child
think about losing your own child? and how awful that would be or has been if you've experienced it
this thought is always in the back of my mind
i know i could lose reed to an anaphylactic reaction one day
maybe his last reaction wasn't too bad and was controlled by benedryl or at the hospital
but whats the next one going to be like?
i trust God as much as humanly possible with his little body and his life but i am still human and i am still a mother and i still worry
i don't think most people let that thought run through their mind
not if they don't have a kid that could DIE from food

we do everything we can, as a family, to protect him and yet we try not to be overprotective
allowing a child to get hurt, and get dirty, and eat sticks, and run free in the woods is easy
going to a friends house where you know there is deadly food?
not easy at all
nearly impossible in fact
we were invited to a dessert party this week and were warned that there would be food that included nuts and dairy
we could not go of course
not a big deal...except that we were missing out on hanging out with some special people that we really don't get to see very much
we're kind of used to missing out on things
but that doesn't make it any easier
we do our best to not say anything around the kids so they don't start to feel bad about it
its not their fault
and its not my fault either...which is something i have to remind myself of often
would you be careless with exposing your child to something that could kill him?
i don't think so
so judging us for doing that just isn't cool
we do not like missing out on hangouts and parties
but we do like reed and we'd like to have him around forever
i'm already worried about his future and his friends and if they will try to poison him
i know it sounds a little psychotic to even think about that but kids are stupid
girlfriends are stupid
and i know all i can do is do what i know and pray
pray for the ability to trust God for his safety
we have had friends come and go
we have stopped being invited to do most things
but the life of our kid is 1st on our list
how do i make someone understand all this?
i'm just a little lost
we have made our home a safe place but there is nothing i can do about the rest of the world
i know i can't hide him from everything
i'm not trying to hide him
but i'm also not going to be stupid about it
all this to say, the stress of food got to me today and i broke down
i'm thankful for sisterhugs
i do not have it all together
i don't know everything there is to know
i wish, like every parent out there, that i could make my child's world a safe one
an allergic child makes that so much harder

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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

7 gross ways to save money

1. the first and most obviously is stop taking showers. think about this. you shower every day or every other day. if you cut it down to once a week you'd be saving so much water! the only problem is you might have to buy more deoderant so use sparingly
2. make reusable toilet paper
everyone's doing it
3. if you can't afford costly cloth diaper sets just let your kids run around naked.
outside is preferable
4. if its yellow let it mellow if its brown...scoop it out and throw it in the woods
see! never have to flush the toilet again
bam. money saved on the water bill
5. save your toenail clippings and use as a firestarter
6. learn the fine art of the snot rocket and don't buy kleenex ever again
7. and finally we have come to the one i actually do. don't wash your hair. go poo free. all i use is baking soda once a week. so hmm...lets see. a bottle of shampoo is $3 (even back then i was cheap) and a huge bag of baking soda that will last me forever is $5something. and my showers are super short
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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

kitchen chair adventures

yesterday i was doing my normal stuff
i was in the middle of scrubbing the bathtub when i suddenly just HAD to load the kids into the van and go to walmart
to buy paint
it was an emergency
i have hated my kitchen chairs for quite a while
not because they are ugly
but because they were just gross
peeling paint
sunbutter rubbed into the cracks by small hands
these were left here by the previous owners and we were soooo happy they were because otherwise the 5 of us would be sharing 2 hobbit sized chairs.
i had planned on just finding "new" ones at goodwill one day but that hasn't happened in the almost 3 years we've been here
so anyways. sandpaper. paint. some nasty old jeans. and i was ready
i tried to remember all the things painterhusband had taught me the last time we painted together.
i sanded. i cut in. i even cleaned my brush the right way as soon as i was done with each coat
go me
i've learned something since being married to painterhusband. paint is more than cosmetic. much more. it protects and helps preserve the surface you are painting. things need paint to last.
now my chairs will make it a little longer AND i wont be embarassed when friends want to sit on them
sorry friends
i realized something. i would be the worst artist. or rather, the most dead artist. i didn't eat, drink, or even sit down all day yesterday,. i just kept working. and today was almost the same if it hadn't been for hank and his super-hungry self wanting to nurse all the time. i actually ate an apple on the run.
again...go me
now if i can just stop being OCD about touching up we will be able to sit on them sometime...this year. seriously, someone come take the brush away from me because i keep looking for missed spots and i can't stop.
but aren't they pretty?
and look what a little baking soda and vinegar did!
eventually i'll find some funky fabric i love to re-cover them but these cleaned up pretty well considering the disasters they've been through
tune in later for "sunflower seed butter adventures"
its going to be epic
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Thursday, September 20, 2012

herbs, TV, and not so many toys

we recently went through our first sickness since we started using herbs. we got the lung funk. cough, congestion, runny nose, sore throat...and wheezing for half of us. this is the 2nd cold reed has ever had that hasn't sent him to the ER. and this was a respiratory infection. he should have been in the ER. i'm not saying my herbs cured him. but they helped. alot. they helped all of us alot. chris came home one night and asked for my "magic tea". we used alot of olive leaf and the immune booster tincture. i also made a tea from several different herbs that help with wheezing, coughing, and killing off germs. then i added a little cayenne. i feel like our recovery time was faster. izzy and reed got over it the fastest.
they still have coughs but the fever/lying around and not moving part ended in less than a day. they also got the largest amounts of tincture
chris got the least since he only took it in the morning before he left and at night when he got home. he spent one night borrowing reed's nebulizer he got so bad.
i avoided the sickness the entire time the kids and chris were sick. thought i was home free. stopped taking my herbs. and got sick 2 days later with major sinus crap and coughing.
hank has held out but finally got a fever a few days after i did.
so. the 3 that took the most herbs got the least sick.
next time i wont quit taking them just because everyone seemed better.
TV and Not So Many Toys
i'm not saying i'm against TV and toys. this is just what we've done and its helped us alot
recently we took all the kids movies out to the guest house
we also took out most of their toys and books
we are getting down to the bare minimum
terrible parents you say?
here's what would happen
kids would go play in their room
they would dump out ALL the toy containers in a pile
then throw stuff
then walk away 5 minutes later
they were too overwhelmed about the mess to figure out how to clean it up
i got mad because i had a giant pile of crap to clean up
finally i decided it was time to go montessouri on their butts
so i left a few books and a tiny basket of cars and animals
don't worry. i didn't throw it away. we're rotating things after a few weeks....maybe longer.
the movies...well...i don't know when we'll let them come back.
the kids have been behaving so much better than they were a few weeks ago
i'm not saying its because of this and this only
but i believe it has helped
its not like they were even watching movies that much. once in a while i'd attempt to use it as a babysitter so i could try to put away some laundry or wash some dishes. not cool.
they've started being more creative with their playing
which i absolutely love
i've started to be more creative in my ninja moves to get stuff done
they actually PLAY with their toys. instead of just piling them up and leaving a mess
we have been able to avoid all the clean-up-fights: kids crying, me upset, wooden spoons coming out, kids crying some more. it just wasn't cool.
i wish we had done this years ago
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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

the hall patient

my family seems to really like spending time at vandy. this time it was my turn. i mean, if i'm not going to have a baby this year i might as well make an appearance at the hospital right?
7 hours in a hospital bed
1 CT scan
6 blood draws
1 lady-problem doctor
1st experience with morphine
zofran. ahhhh
1 puddle of blood on the floor when my vein decided to squirt during the blood draw
1 puke bag
3 tattoo compliments
1 IV
1 time getting walked in on by a teenage boy while i was peeing
lots of people watching since i was "the hall patient"...which i decided is more fun than being in a real room. lots more action
1 prescription for more zofran. ahhhh
1 pregnancy test (negative. sorry folks)
2 minutes of walking down the hall holding a pee cup...with pee in it
orders to follow up with 2 different doctors
chris wondered why i chose to wear my largest baggiest pants and one of his hoodies.seriously, the pants were held up with a safety pin which got a good laugh out of the radiologist guy. but i mean, c'mon, when you're puking and having some awesome pain the last thing you are thinking about is dressing up for a E.R. visit. sorry chris.
my mother, who is amazing, stayed with my kids at home. all of them. yikes! God bless the woman. somehow she got my house super clean by the time we got home. she must have some magical mom powers to be able to do that. i have no yet reached that level of motherhood. i hope to one day. maybe i have to wait till i'm a grandma.
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Thursday, September 13, 2012

girls have to sit

today was the day izzy realized that some things in life are....just the way they are.
the hard truth is, girls have to sit
there's no standing
so when i heard her say "mom watch me pee pee like a boy"
i just had to investigate
she stood there
pants around the ankles
"watch! like this!"
then a moment of despair
"mom...i can't make my girl parts point that way"
well sorry dear it will never work
not unless you purchase one of those funnel things from campmor
or this Whiz Freedom Portable Reusable Urine Funnel
but never fear, i will teach you the fine art of "out door peeing for girls" this week
you will feel less sad
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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

a normal sick day

chris and i watching psych while the kids are in bed last night
we hear a tiny crinkly noise
maybe its a mouse
10 minutes later
reed is not infact, in bed. he's sitting on the counter eating crackers
i am attempting to type a sentence in my previous post
i see a hairy childs head under the kitchen table
i hear a noise
oh, thats just the sound of sharpie on the wood floor
no big deal
p.s. where did they even find a sharpie? i can't even find a freaking pencil in this house
reed: i has itties in my buns!! i has itties!
i check.
oh. of course, a spider crawling on your butt cheek. totally normal.
i leave the kitchen to get hank out of the bathroom
when i come back, this is what i find
thanks for the cream in my coffee izz
later, we colored. izzy made me.
then the request for the mattress so i yanked it off the top bunk and threw it in the back room
i can't tell if hank is scared or having fun
i guess it was time to jump off the kitchen chairs
which gave me an idea....
why did this picture turn out half dark and half light?
obstacle course! duh!
hank made his own
also...he has a cute face
later, while i was attempting to pour myself a new cup of coffee (the one that got a used q-tip ten thrown in ten minutes later), they decided it was time to knit
now that the disaster cleanup has mostly ended, it is time for a peppermint bath and a dose of garlic oil on their feet.
and a prayer that i will make it till nap time without pulling out all my hair
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