Monday, December 2, 2013

Husband first, kids second

There's a cute little poster floating around the internet with a saying something along the lines of "if all you've done today is play with your kids, you've accomplished enough and can totally ignore everything else going on and all your other responsibilities as a wife and mother"
There are flowers and rainbows and kids and mothers frolicking in a field of flowers.
Ok, maybe that's not exactly what it says.
A bunch of people "pinned" it on pinterest a while back but of course I couldn't find it anywhere today. You're just going to have to believe me.
If you couldn't already tell, I do not agree with this "cute" little saying one bit.
Actually its kind of been bugging me that moms believe this garbage.
Sure, play with your kids. Hug your kids. Be there for your kids.
Teach your kids, love your kids, pray for your kids. Don't forget the parts of Proverbs 31 that don't even talk about kids at all.
If all I did all day was hug my babies, read books to them, and play whatever they wanted to play, a few things would happen: my home would fall apart, my husband would be upset and not like to come home, my family would not have real food to eat, nobody would have clean clothes (which is hard enough to keep up with as it is), not to mention my kids would be rotten little monsters and they wouldn't have any idea how to "free play" or whatever they're calling it these days. Back in my day it was just called "playing".
In a perfect world, all mothers would also be wives. I realize this isn't always true but for the sake of this post, lets assume that is the case.
Mothers were wives first.
This means their husband came first.
He should still come first.
Sometimes the kids are needy and loud and that's fine, but overall, husband came first.
Love your husband too.
Love ON your husband, don't just say you love him.
And don't put your kids wants above his needs.
When the kids are grown and gone who will you be left with?
That's right, this man you married. Know him, make him a priority.
Mothers are home-makers.
We make the house a home.
Proverbs 31 talks about working eagerly with our hands.
It talks about us working day and night.
It also talks about us being strong and smart and sewing and cooking and making and selling.
It does not say "she rises in the morning and sits on the couch with her kids until night and then throws a pizza in the oven. Then her husband came home and she barely looks his direction because she was playing with her kids."
But hey, "if all you did today was hug your kids then you accomplished enough" right?
If all you did was drive your kids to 5 different activities this afternoon because that's what they want then you're being a perfect mom, right?
If all you did was let your kids watch movies for 8 hours then you're a great mom because that's what they wanted to do, right?
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Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Why Did We Do The Baked Egg Challenge?

Seeing as I have gotten this question about 1001 times in the past 24 hours I figured this was the easiest way to explain the "what?" and "why?" of yesterdays appointment with Reed's allergist.
As most of you know, Reed has had some pretty severe anaphylactic reactions to egg. He hasn't ingested egg in over 2 years because of this. I fed him scrambled eggs for the first time when he was 14 months old, and he went into anaphylaxis.
 He did have a run in with some raw egg over a year ago that landed him an ambulance ride. You can see those pictures here
Anyways, some of you probably know that we were told he could try the baked egg challenge.
First, what is the baked egg challenge?
No, its not throwing an egg in the oven and then feeding it to him.
It means baked foods that contain egg excluding egg casseroles.
Muffins are probably going to be the only thing we use for a while.
Here's the story: if you bake an egg with other ingredients at a certain temperature for a certain amount of time it breaks down all but one of the proteins that cause reactions in allergic kids. So the test is to see if the kid can handle the remaining protein that does NOT break down under heat. Some can, some can't. Based on Reed's track record with food allergies I didn't expect him to pass.
He passed...sort of. He still got some little red rashy hives on the bottom half of his face but there was no wheezing, no puking, no swelling of the face. So his allergist decided we should go ahead and give him teeny tiny amounts of muffin every few days. Like 1/4 of a muffin.
"Why would you even bother?" some might say.
Well here's the "why".
This feeding of small amounts of muffin containing eggs is supposed to build up an immunity to egg resulting in less severe reactions if he were to come in contact with say, scrambled or raw egg in the future. That's the idea anyway. Sure, he may never be able to sit down and eat a breakfast of fried eggs and might not even be able to have an entire piece of cake (although this might actually be possible some day in the distant future) but if I can do something to make a reaction less life threatening, I will do it. Even if it means making batches of muffins and freezing them in wrapped up bite size pieces. These muffins are more medicine than food right now. We are trying to teach Reed's immune system that egg is good and not bad. Will it work? Well statistics show that most kids do really well.
He did spend last night curled in a ball with stomach pain so we were instructed to have him eat even less for a while and see how he does.
Honestly I'm surprised and thankful that the test ended well and not across the street in the emergency room. When he took that first bite and had to be watched closely for the first 15 minutes I was so nervous. When the first little hives showed up around his mouth, my heart sank. But nothing worse came of the test.
I don't care if we ever get to eat "normal", but if this can make the world just a little safer for Reed than I will do whatever it takes.
Originally, Dr Smith said we could do the baked milk challenge soon but since Reed only half passed the egg test we are waiting until next year to even talk about that again.
So there's the "what" and the "why" and hopefully it even made some sense.
I think that this whole thing has actually made my life MORE stressful. I have to keep eggs in the house now. I have to cook with eggs. There is the potential of getting raw egg somewhere which is extremely dangerous. Its a risk but the possible benefits outweigh the risks here. At least for now.
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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Inside the Mind Of An Allergy Mom

Normal to us is nowhere near what normal is to every one else.
2 days ago I was driving through west Nashville, all happy go lucky, when I heard Reed cough.
My brain said: asthmapufferohcrapilefttheemergencymedbagathome!
no epipens
no Benadryl
no inhaler
Then the panic set in.
I was 30 minutes from home.
I still hadn't gone to the store I needed to go to.
I decided to skip it and try again another day.
I pulled into Ashland City Walmart because I NEEDED diapers. It was a dire situation. The diapers AND the epi-penless state of our little family at the moment.
I made Reed sit in the buggy with Hank because my nerves couldn't handle the thought of him wandering off for just a second and touching something dangerous.
Most of you can walk through a grocery store without a care in the world.
Not us.
When you have forgotten the life saving medicine that you carry with you everywhere, (and I mean everywhere) every container of yogurt, every bag of trailmix, every prepackaged snack is practically jumping out and exploding in your child's face.
Every human in the vicinity is covered in peanut dust and scrambled egg remnants.
That's just how our minds work.
So while you all are prancing gleefully through the grocery store without a care in the world, remember that somewhere is a mother with a watchful eye who views you and your snack-eating child as a major threat.
Obviously we made it home without we do on the days we have our medicine. But it was slightly terrifying. I felt I had failed as a mother.
That if something were to happen somehow that I was the one who had hurt or killed my child because I couldn't remember the very thing I have had with me everywhere I go for years.
I don't remember what it is like to go into a grocery store without fear in the back of my mind.
If its fall, the fear gets pushed to the front of my mind because stores seem to think its cool to have giant bins of nuts out in the middle of the store.
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if someday I could go into a friends house and not see landmines in every corner of their kitchen or attached to their children.
Family parties might cause stress for some people because...well...its family. Family parties for us cause stress because food.
Food has to be everywhere.
I hate food.
Food and I have never had a great relationship but it has only been worsened by the deadliness that comes with it now.
Today I was told by the kids' new allergist that Reed is ready to start food challenges.
This means that the very things that have sent him into anaphylaxis, the things that have caused so many tears and stress, are now going to be baked to a temperature high enough to break down the proteins and then I have to feed them to him.
I don't know if my poor heart can handle it.
I don't know that I can even begin to explain how terrified I am.
I have 1 week to mentally prepare myself to walk into that office with my little man.
Can someone please come hold my hand?
It could go extremely well and he could be on the way to becoming desensitized to normal food that nobody else thinks twice about eating.
It could also end badly.
It could end in a bad reaction that sends him across the street to the emergency room.
So while probably none of this makes sense to you, can you just please pretend it does so I feel like I'm being understood?
K. Thanks.
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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

You've Got It Made

I realized recently that I tend to complain a little about how easily we are able to make babies.
This shouldn't be viewed as an "affliction".
Although it would mean having 30 more babies if we weren't careful, it is a blessing.
Chris just has to look at me and BAM! 9 months later theres a new baby Keldie.
There are people out there who have a very hard time.
People who can't at all.
People who can't AND are having trouble adopting.
I know them.
I weep for them.
And here I sit whining about how I'm in a constant state of growing babies and/or feeding them. Sometimes at the same time.
I was in Walmart last week.
The small one nursing in the Ergo.
The other 3 swarming around the back of one cart that was literally attached (by the belts) to another cart.
I was bent over trying to hold Ashers head up with one arm, pulling this train of carts with the other while half running through the store.
Kids were trying to climb out, one was crying, one was trying to reach over to steal a banana.
People weren't moving out of our way.
Little hands were reaching out to try to tear apart the whole store.
I was sweating and about to cry when an older guy stopped me.
He said hi to the kids.
He looked at me and said "You've got it made girl. I hope you see that"
Do I?
I know my kids are a blessing.
I love them desperately.
But sometimes in the middle of all the diapers and mess and noise I forget so easily exactly what my situation would mean for some parents.
It would mean the sweet girl who has been wanting a baby for years wouldn't be sitting alone, crying over a negative test for yet another month.
It would mean she would have a sweet baby to sniff, a toddler to teach to fold clothes, 2 little boys who roll around the house wrestling all day.
I don't think I will ever forget what the man said to me that day.
I've got it made.
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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Kids Say Things At The Darndest Times

These are real things said in real situations by my very real children.

In the van while I'm driving:
-i need a drink right now!
-can you tie my shoe? (let me get out my other 3 arms)
-can you get my underwear out of my butt? (no. get your own underwear out of your butt)
-can you go back? i saw a turkey (why yes, of course dear. i'll turn around right now)
-I want a high five
-can you reach my finger? (i'm inspector gadget)
-help me get my shirt off!(because thats important right now)

While I'm in the bathroom:
-can you get me a drink? (yes, let me just dunk that cup you're holding in the toilet while i pee)
-i need more dinner (yes...they're carrying a plate with them)
-I need to poop...NOW!
-where are my shoes/book/cup/that toy i lost last year...etc
-i brought you a spider
-I need to see your teeth

While I'm Sleeping:

While Nursing Asher
-carry me
-you need to wash the floor

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

This Time In Our Life

I've spent quite a bit of the past few months (maybe years?) being sad that I don't get to spend time doing the things that I used to do. I don't get much time to knit, I don't get much time to play my instruments, I don't get much time to actually shower for more than 60 seconds at a time.
This really REALLY upset me...until I realized something.
I'm a mother. A FREAKING MOTHER!
I get to do something some women never get a chance to do.
This time in my life isn't quiet cups of coffee or peaceful showers. It's not clean floors or finished laundry. It's not cute decorations on tables or long phone conversations. Its not sleeping in on a Saturday or cuddling with the husband any time I want.
And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.
This time in my life is tripping over toys on my way to pick up a hurt child.
It is gulping down cold coffee thats been sitting in the french press for an hour.
Its poop on my shirt 5 minutes into a church service.
It's 4 little bodies wedged between me and my husband in the bed, on the couch, while we're attempting to dance in the kitchen.
It's waking up for the 3rd time in an hour to nurse a needy baby.
One day I'll have cute decorations on my tables. One day I'll have 2 hours to play my piano. I'll be able to shower and pee alone.
One day....I wont have a tiny baby in the house or a toddler to teach shoe tying to. I wont have to tell a 4 year old to clean up the legos for the 10th time. I wont have to tell the ball of wrestling children to go out in the grass. I wont have to check little boys jean pockets for worms and rocks before putting them in the washer.
There is a time for reading Dr. Seuss 100 times in a day and then there is a time for sending kids away to highschool. There is NOT time to be upset over the fact that this season of my life is hard and different, beautiful and messy. So for now we will have "date nights" in our pajamas in our backroom after the kids have gone to bed. We will reach for eachothers hands over their cute little sleeping selves. We will enjoy the moments we have while we are in them and we will roll with the changes.
Wherever we are, we need to be all there.
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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Tips For Sanity From the Keldie Home

1. Nap
this is my first tip for any mom with any amount of kids
nap as much as possible if you have a baby under 3 months old
make it happen
2. Nap
got it?!
3. Have A Beer
No, I didn't say a case. Just one will do.
4. Count to 5
Yelling will just make everyone in the house upset and stressed.
Take a breath, get it together and start again.
5. Be Silly
Tickle, make faces, pretend to be zombies...anything to get everybody laughing again
6. Discipline
Without it you will no longer be the parent and we all know how awful toddlers are at parenting
7. Nap
(just wanted to make sure you didn't forget already)
8. Kiss (your husband)
Ignore the kids for a minute and make out
You're welcome
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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Throwback Thursday: A Love Story

Maybe it's the fact that Chris has had to work out of town the past couple weeks and I miss him.
Maybe it's the big envelope of our "old" pictures he found out in the guest house.
Maybe its my sleep deprived emotional self being nostalgic.
Who knows.

So I will take my laptop and coffee to the porch, turn on some Fleetwood Mac, let the kids ride their bikes, and relate to you the story of how Chris and I met, then re-met, and started our lives together.

This love story begins back in the 90's when we were little and homeschooled.
According to Chris, he was the "cool" home schooler and I was the weird kid who smelled like maple syrup.
Thanks dear, I love you too :)

We took an archery class together
He was in mime
I was in choir
His sister and I were friends
We did cool stuff like knit and play recorders (not Chris and I, his sister and I)

The 90's ended and so did our involvement in the home school group

I didn't see Chris until years later when I was working at a coffee shop. He would come in once in a while to be emo and write in his journal. 

Fast forward to the summer of...crap...which year was it?!
2007? 2008? it had to be 2007 because we got married in 2008.
I was driving to work. I did awesome stuff like manage a swimming pool in a rich neighborhood.
Anyways, I was at a red light and sitting to the right of me, on his harley with his tattoos and his hair slicked back, was Chris.
He didn't see me but lets just say I considered skipping work and following him. 
haha ok maybe not...but maybe a little.

Fast forward again to that Christmas.
My family had a tradition of going to see a movie Christmas night
Apparently his family did too but we had never crossed paths in the theater until that year
We were standing in line and I saw Amanda and ran over to talk to her.
I did not talk to Chris. He looked angry.
No seriously guys, he was standing there with his angry eyebrows and his arms folded over his chest.

We found out we were going into the same movie.
Somehow we all ended up in the same row.
My mother in law always jokes that neither of us actually watched the movie. We kept looking down the row at each other. What can I say.

I honestly can't remember if it was that night or the next but I got a text from a number I didn't know.
"this is Chris. we should catch up"
He had been a creeper and begged his sister for my number.

we went from "catching up" to 4 babies.
the end.


we went on our first date to my favorite coffee place. 
Within the first hour he "casually" mentioned that he was ready to settle down and start a family.
Who does that?!

When the coffee place closed we went to steak and shake because they were the only place open.
I got fries
we talked and talked
Then I fell the booth.
Who does THAT?! on a first date?
I'm so lame.

I got home at 1am and laid awake planning our wedding.
He got home and apparently went to his parents room and said "I'm in love! I'm in love! and i don't care who knows it!"

Is that the cutest thing ever or what?

We went out again that week and at the end of the date I was like, "don't call me again if you don't plan on taking this seriously"
He says "I'm in it to win it"

what the what?
I still laugh at him for that one 
chris and manda getting their thug on at the new years eve party
He wasn't kidding. 
One day in June he picked me up and didn't tell me where we were going.
He pulled into my favorite park in Geneva where I spent like half my childhood.
I was upset because I had worked a double at the pool and was sweaty and gross and he insisted that we go for an effing walk instead of letting me shower and eat.
We wandered into this big garden where he started acting really weird.
I was oblivious.
I honestly was NOT thinking we would be engaged in a few minutes. We had already talked about how it probably wouldn't happen till fall.
I was rambling on and on with stories of my little years playing in this park when he grabbed my hand and dropped down on one knee.
30 seconds later we were engaged
He had gone to talk to my dad and bought the ring right before picking me up. I guess he just couldn't wait.

We picked a date and spent the next 8 weeks planning our little back yard wedding and looking for a place to live.

We said our I do's in the place I was born and grew up which might seem lame to some people but was really special to me.
15 minutes later I was pregnant.
2 weeks later, when we got home from our honeymoon, the first thing I did was get a tattoo
the second thing I did was pee on a stick.

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Loving My Post-Baby Self...or trying to

Truth: I tried on 6 different shirts thismorning
Truth: I said terrible things in my head about my own body
Truth: I was reminded that in the past 10 months I grew a human and birthed him
There is WAY too much pressure these days on moms
We are expected to get back to our prebaby selves just days after giving birth
Instead of loving our own body for what it has just done, we punish it and say bad things about it and hate on it in our mind
Truth: I have 3 things that fit me right now
Truth: none of my shirts will button all the way up
Truth: my booty gets pregnant right alone with my belly
Promise: i will put my size 3 jeans away and not even look at them again for a while
Truth: I got rid of shirts that don't fit nursing boobs a long time ago
Promise: I will believe my husband when he says he thinks i'm hot
Promise: i will enjoy this time with my baby and not spend it being miserable about the way i look
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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Some Thoughts About Birth

I love natural childbirth
that said, it sucks
I remember asking my mom "why do we do this?" and her saying "well honey, i don't know" and then we both laughed a little before another contraction punched me in the gut and slashed through my back
Ash is going to be 1 month old this Saturday
I've spent alot of time thinking about birth and all that goes into it and just how this little guy got here
I remember (with a slight cringe) the raw power that a woman's body has
It is a hidden strength that even she doesn't know about until the time comes to tap into it
I can honestly say that prior to each birth I had planned on being one of those women who silently and calmly brings a baby into the world
It was never meant to be
I am loud and somewhat animalistic
My outlet for the pain is not meditating or hypnosis or calmly listening to flute solos while my body rocks and sways
My body will still do what it needs to do
and i will let it
I will not fight
but I will also yell and scream and punch the wall or the bed or Chris' chest
I will cry and look into his eyes for support
this time i thought that maybe if i had some herbs and oils to help me i would be more calm
by the time I got into the thick of the emotion and pain i completely forgot that my "birthing bag" even existed
it sat there in the corner all by itself and never was touched
all i needed were 6 hands on me and some hot water
I was left completely alone for one solitary contraction
during the rise in intensity i yelled "SOMEONE HELP ME!"
and within seconds my 6 hands were back where they were needed
birth was not meant to be accomplished alone
at least not for this mama
this mama needs a husbands hands to hold/break, a midwifes hands to massage, and a mothers hands filled with hot compresses
I look at this tiny baby who is quickly becoming a fat cheeked little man and I will wonder HOW in the world did that fit through *that*
THAT is the true miracle of birth
I might have said inappropriate things, screamed "I CAN'T DO THIS!" and tearfully confessed that I felt like a wuss, but I think about each of my 4 labors with a twisted sort of love for those hours of torture
but the few hours of labor, althought important, are just the beginning of parenting...
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Saturday, July 6, 2013

Asher Memphis and How He Got Here

10am - contractions started. they weren't bad but i knew they were different than all the fakies i'd been having for weeks. 4min apart
2pm - contractions switched gears and got kind of terrible
4pm - everything stops. i cry.
we went to my parents for a 4th of July cookout
i was grumpy because i thought i was in labor but then figured, once again, my body had changed its mind
6pm - everything starts again. slowly. but it started
7pm - i told Chris i needed to go home. i consider taking castor oil to help things along but chicken out and only take 2 tsp. i'm a wuss.
9pm - chris puts the kids to bed because i can't handle noise or tiny humans climbing on me. i am not convinced i'm in labor
930pm - chris rolls over in bed and i almost punch him because i'm mid contraction and the bed moving hurt like hell. i still don't think i'm in labor
chris very nicely offers to go sleep on the kids bed so he doesn't make me mad
i accept
i still don't think i'm in labor
1030pm - i get in the shower because i can't get comfortable
of course...NOT in labor right?
1130pm - i have tried every position but the contractions are still coming 2-3 minutes apart and some back to back. i'm concentrating really hard on each one. i start bleeding.
 i STILL don't think i'm in labor.
whats wrong with me? you'd think i would know by now what this is like.
1230pm - i'm groaning through each contraction and can't walk or talk through them anymore. they're coming back to back or 1-2 minutes apart
i call my midwife
i wake chris up
he calls mom
i'm still worried that we're going to get there and i'll just be sent home because i'm not really in labor
i cry a little on the way to the hospital
why are all the roads suddenly SO effing bumpy?! why why why?!
1am - checked in.
what?! i'm having a baby for real you say?
i get a room...WITH A TUB!
i sit in the tub for a while
my contractions slow down to about 5 minutes apart
they will stay this way until the very end
some are even farther apart
between 2am and 5am i try all kinds of things:
tub, birthing stool, standing, hanging over the back of the bed, leaning on chris, sitting on the toilet
i actually SLEPT on the toilet
it was weird
my sweet midwife set pillows up between the wall and my head so i could fall asleep between my very far apart contractions
when will they ever get closer?
i can't possibly have a baby if they're still so far apart
4am - i'm in transition
5am - still in transition
550am- STILL in transition
there is lots of yelling, groaning, more yelling, squeezing of tophers hand, my mom putting hot rags on my belly, my midwife pushing on my tailbone to relieve at least a little pressure of this child's head squeezing through a very small space for hours
everybody was helping me
i cried and said i couldn't do it anymore
then i tried a push and felt like i was going to throw up it hurt so bad
my midwife gave me the green light to try pushing
for the past 3 births, when i made it to pushing, it was a relief. it actually felt good.
NOT this time
this time it was miserable
pushing hurt MORE than transition
610am - first push
Photo is loading
this might be my favorite picture ever. hanging onto Chris for dear life and taking a breath before the next push.
618am- water breaks

621am - out comes sweet little Ash (i will not terrify you with those pictures folks)
daddy cuts the cord
wait. so i WAS in labor? apparently.
i am always shocked and surprised when i survive birthing a child
i mean seriously guys, it kind of hurts
i remember looking up at Chris and saying "i did it! i did it! its over!" several times
Photo is loading
this is my midwife, lisa.
she rocks
also she wears cowboy boots with her scrubs
to read the first 3 birth stories go here
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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

the realistic hospital packing list

usually i wait until about 36 weeks to pack a bag for "go time"
izzy was born at 37, with no help from anyone, so i just like to be prepared
this time, with everything going on in there and down there i'm starting to get ready a few weeks early
i'll probably still be sitting in my perfectly cleaned and organized house ontop of a packed bag until 42 weeks
but hey, at least i'll be ready
i have been on both ends of the "prepared" spectrum
with izzy, i was absurdly overly prepared. typical first parent syndrome.
we had clothes, birthing ball, a large bag of crap just for the baby, tons of books, food etc.
most of that came home with us completely untouched
with hank i was not ready at all. he came the latest out of the 3 too so i don't understand why i wasn't ready. i think i was just convinced, by 39 weeks, that he was never coming out and had given up. i remember taking clothes out of the bag i had packed to wear because i was lazy and tired and had given up
but i will say this friends: after giving birth to hank, hanging out in the hospital for 3 days, and finally being let go, i had nothing to wear home but one of those half robes that barely covers your butt. yes, its true. i forgot to pack the "going home clothes" and was NOT about to put back on the things i was wearing when i went into labor.
so that was a tiny bit embarassing
onto the list
there are so many suggestions of things to bring to the hospital for baby time
i like to go minimal (as we all saw in the paragraph above) but still be prepared
also, i have parents and siblings coming back and forth after the birth who can always grab something if we need it so i don't really have to panic about forgetting the carseat. yep, we forgot the carseat too when i went into labor with hank. we're awesome like that.
 During Labor:
i list this first because it is MOST important during labor. your lips will feel like you've been making out with a cotton ball. also i screamgrowled at chris to find my chapstick ASAP when i was in transition with hank. be sure to fill his pockets with sticks of the stuff so he's not tearing apart your purse while you're screaming
ginger hard candy
you will be told that you aren't allowed to drink water
you will also be tempted to start taking gulps of tub/shower water while your midwife is not looking
its a thirsty time
ice chips are cool and everything but the ginger will help calm you down too
whole foods has a delicious one
hair ties, headbands, bobby pins
put your hair up in early labor
once the real stuff starts you wont want to be touched
you will also be EXTREMELY annoyed with any stray hairs touching your face, ears, head
you will wish you shaved your hair off
its better to just get it out of the way early on
camera, phone, and all the chargers
sure, you might end up with some scary pictures but you will also end up with some awesome ones. my mom was there helping me and was able to get pictures of all of us immediately post birth. some of those pictures i don't ever want to see again. think of the goriest scene in the patriot. yeah. see if that gets out of your head any time soon.
it is also possible that your husband will wish to snap quick pictures of you with sweat dripping down your face, veins popping out of your neck, and crazy eyes. don't deny him this moment.
if he says you're beautiful, believe him
personally i think most women are gorgeous immediately after pushing out a kid
sleep bra
notice i didn't say anything about packing "cute comfortable clothes to labor in"
thats because this is useless
(unless you're having an epi, then wear all the cute stuff you want)
i actually did it with 2 out of 3 and never used them
stick with the hospital gown
you will most likely tear it off in a fit of hormonal rage once sh*t gets real
they will take it away in a hazmat bag and you don't ever have to see it again
i wore a sleep bra because i wanted my ladies covered. honestly i don't know why it just made me feel better. everything else was showing but hey, they were covered.
and i threw it away as soon as i got to take my first shower
it had white slime and blood on it from snuggling with the baby right when it came out
Post Birth and Recovery
sounds weird
but once the baby is out will you start to shiver and shake like you're naked in the north pole
some hormonal thing happens
i don't get it
but the stupid little hospital sheet wont help
i did get lucky last time and some sweet nurse brought me a pile of blankets straight from the warmer
but i plan on being prepared with my own big blanket this time just in case that doesn't happen again
its miserable
i will be going to goodwill for half price day in a couple weeks and picking up some cheap blankets that i wont mind throwing away if they get something nasty on them...which they most likely will
make up
sure, your sweet man will snap pictures of you while you're still reaching down to grab your slimy white and purple baby. he will say you look beautiful.
but later when you finally realize you're exhausted and your face gets the memo you'll wish you had a little mascara before the guests start coming in
you thought your breath was bad when you woke up after a crazy night of eating cheezits?
think again.
it will be terrible
you will thank me for this one
you wont be allowed to stand up to brush your teeth for at least a few hours, possibly longer if things went "zombie movie" on you
the hospital gives you those super awesome old lady socks (to go with your old lady depends) but they are scratchy and don't breathe one little bit
i always bring a few pairs of my own
at this point you will want to feel slightly human again
you will also not be wearing prepregnancy clothes
nice try friends
bring yoga pants, pajama pants, sweatpants, tank tops that are easy to nurse in, A BRA (because i forgot mine), a hoodie.
sure, you will get a meal brought straight from the kitchen even if its 2am
you will eat said meal in about 30 seconds while your husband snores on the bed beside you
you will think it was a dream because you will still be SO FREAKING HUNGRY
so bring healthy things to get back some of those calories you just burned
you can have friends and family bring you stuff later but i think they might get mad if you call them at this ungodly hour just to bring you a bag of raisins and sunflower seeds or some granola bars.
its cute how most packing lists i've seen online say "bring snacks for your husband"
no, you will not allow him to eat while you're in labor. its just not going to happen. unless you have an epidural and you don't need his hand for crushing during each contraction
and no, he's not going to want to eat after you give birth
he will pass out the second BEFORE you get to the recovery room
yes i said before. the nurses actually tucked chris in and put a pillow under his head because he fell asleep so fast after hank was born
hospital pillows are terrible
you will probably use some for under your feet or something but bring your own for your head
unless you like sleeping on something that very closely resembles a folded tarp
going home clothes
don't try to get fancy
unless this is your first baby and you'll be taking the "first step into the house for the new baby" pictures. but like i said before, don't forget this important thing.
magazines/amish books
ok fine you can substitute any other light reading you wish if you aren't into beverly lewis
honestly you probably wont get a ton of reading done because you will be holding your new baby, napping, or have friends visiting you in your room but its a nice thought right?
For the Sweet Babe
going home clothes
baby mittens
the baby is obviously easy
the hospital will most likely provide you with a very small stash of newborn diapers, wipes, stuff for the beef jerky in their belly button, stuff for a circumcision if applicable, and a blanket.
they will also be checking the baby in all sorts of places while you're staying there and its just easy to keep the baby in the little tshirt they give it
the mittens are important though because after 2.5 seconds after making its grand entrance into the world, the child will start using its razor claws to scratch up its beautiful little smushed swollen face and you will get sad
for the husband/birth coach/sexy baby daddy you will not be allowed to jump for 6 weeks
(just had to remind you of that. your welcome)
this is tophers most important item on the list
he will NOT set foot on the hospital floor without his slippers
after seeing what comes out of a woman during/after labor he is terrified
he wont even walk on the floor with just his socks
nearly as important to chris as his slippers but coming in at a close 2nd
apparently staring at the new baby for 3 days isn't entertainment enough
who knew
he'll want it
possibly 2 because he'll be uncomfortable in the chairbed they give him
he will also wish for a shower after being sprayed in the face with what he calls "placenta juice" when your little purple lizard child comes flying out and he will want his own soap, shampoo, and beard oil
because every husband wants to look good for the student nurses who will be coming in to check on you
i mean...for you, his beautiful radiant wife who just spent 9 months growing his sweet baby
there are some unconventional things i will be bringing as well that most people wouldn't have on their own list but i will share with you anyway
-a little box of my essential oils
-baby powder (because i will only wash my hair once in the hospital)
-a jar of coconut oil (because this is pretty much my only "toiletry" item
-my little shady looking baggies of vitamin powder
-nettle tincture
-ginger tincture
For Me:
  • chapstick
  • ginger candy
  • hair ties
  • camera/phone/chargers
  • sleep bra
  • blanket
  • makeup
  • gum
  • socks
  • clothes
  • snacks
  • pillows
  • books/magazines
For Baby
  • going home clothes
  • carseat
  • mittens
For Dad
  • slippers
  • books
  • pillow
  • toiletries
  • clothes
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