Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Some Thoughts About Birth

I love natural childbirth
that said, it sucks
I remember asking my mom "why do we do this?" and her saying "well honey, i don't know" and then we both laughed a little before another contraction punched me in the gut and slashed through my back
Ash is going to be 1 month old this Saturday
I've spent alot of time thinking about birth and all that goes into it and just how this little guy got here
I remember (with a slight cringe) the raw power that a woman's body has
It is a hidden strength that even she doesn't know about until the time comes to tap into it
I can honestly say that prior to each birth I had planned on being one of those women who silently and calmly brings a baby into the world
It was never meant to be
I am loud and somewhat animalistic
My outlet for the pain is not meditating or hypnosis or calmly listening to flute solos while my body rocks and sways
My body will still do what it needs to do
and i will let it
I will not fight
but I will also yell and scream and punch the wall or the bed or Chris' chest
I will cry and look into his eyes for support
this time i thought that maybe if i had some herbs and oils to help me i would be more calm
by the time I got into the thick of the emotion and pain i completely forgot that my "birthing bag" even existed
it sat there in the corner all by itself and never was touched
all i needed were 6 hands on me and some hot water
I was left completely alone for one solitary contraction
during the rise in intensity i yelled "SOMEONE HELP ME!"
and within seconds my 6 hands were back where they were needed
birth was not meant to be accomplished alone
at least not for this mama
this mama needs a husbands hands to hold/break, a midwifes hands to massage, and a mothers hands filled with hot compresses
I look at this tiny baby who is quickly becoming a fat cheeked little man and I will wonder HOW in the world did that fit through *that*
THAT is the true miracle of birth
I might have said inappropriate things, screamed "I CAN'T DO THIS!" and tearfully confessed that I felt like a wuss, but I think about each of my 4 labors with a twisted sort of love for those hours of torture
but the few hours of labor, althought important, are just the beginning of parenting...
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Saturday, July 6, 2013

Asher Memphis and How He Got Here

10am - contractions started. they weren't bad but i knew they were different than all the fakies i'd been having for weeks. 4min apart
2pm - contractions switched gears and got kind of terrible
4pm - everything stops. i cry.
we went to my parents for a 4th of July cookout
i was grumpy because i thought i was in labor but then figured, once again, my body had changed its mind
6pm - everything starts again. slowly. but it started
7pm - i told Chris i needed to go home. i consider taking castor oil to help things along but chicken out and only take 2 tsp. i'm a wuss.
9pm - chris puts the kids to bed because i can't handle noise or tiny humans climbing on me. i am not convinced i'm in labor
930pm - chris rolls over in bed and i almost punch him because i'm mid contraction and the bed moving hurt like hell. i still don't think i'm in labor
chris very nicely offers to go sleep on the kids bed so he doesn't make me mad
i accept
i still don't think i'm in labor
1030pm - i get in the shower because i can't get comfortable
of course...NOT in labor right?
1130pm - i have tried every position but the contractions are still coming 2-3 minutes apart and some back to back. i'm concentrating really hard on each one. i start bleeding.
 i STILL don't think i'm in labor.
whats wrong with me? you'd think i would know by now what this is like.
1230pm - i'm groaning through each contraction and can't walk or talk through them anymore. they're coming back to back or 1-2 minutes apart
i call my midwife
i wake chris up
he calls mom
i'm still worried that we're going to get there and i'll just be sent home because i'm not really in labor
i cry a little on the way to the hospital
why are all the roads suddenly SO effing bumpy?! why why why?!
1am - checked in.
what?! i'm having a baby for real you say?
i get a room...WITH A TUB!
i sit in the tub for a while
my contractions slow down to about 5 minutes apart
they will stay this way until the very end
some are even farther apart
between 2am and 5am i try all kinds of things:
tub, birthing stool, standing, hanging over the back of the bed, leaning on chris, sitting on the toilet
i actually SLEPT on the toilet
it was weird
my sweet midwife set pillows up between the wall and my head so i could fall asleep between my very far apart contractions
when will they ever get closer?
i can't possibly have a baby if they're still so far apart
4am - i'm in transition
5am - still in transition
550am- STILL in transition
there is lots of yelling, groaning, more yelling, squeezing of tophers hand, my mom putting hot rags on my belly, my midwife pushing on my tailbone to relieve at least a little pressure of this child's head squeezing through a very small space for hours
everybody was helping me
i cried and said i couldn't do it anymore
then i tried a push and felt like i was going to throw up it hurt so bad
my midwife gave me the green light to try pushing
for the past 3 births, when i made it to pushing, it was a relief. it actually felt good.
NOT this time
this time it was miserable
pushing hurt MORE than transition
610am - first push
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this might be my favorite picture ever. hanging onto Chris for dear life and taking a breath before the next push.
618am- water breaks

621am - out comes sweet little Ash (i will not terrify you with those pictures folks)
daddy cuts the cord
wait. so i WAS in labor? apparently.
i am always shocked and surprised when i survive birthing a child
i mean seriously guys, it kind of hurts
i remember looking up at Chris and saying "i did it! i did it! its over!" several times
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this is my midwife, lisa.
she rocks
also she wears cowboy boots with her scrubs
to read the first 3 birth stories go here
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