Some Thoughts About Birth

I love natural childbirth

 

that said, it sucks

 

I remember asking my mom "why do we do this?" and her saying "well honey, i don't know" and then we both laughed a little before another contraction punched me in the gut and slashed through my back

 

Ash is going to be 1 month old this Saturday

I've spent alot of time thinking about birth and all that goes into it and just how this little guy got here

 

 

I remember (with a slight cringe) the raw power that a woman's body has

 

It is a hidden strength that even she doesn't know about until the time comes to tap into it

 

I can honestly say that prior to each birth I had planned on being one of those women who silently and calmly brings a baby into the world

 

no

 

It was never meant to be

I am loud and somewhat animalistic

My outlet for the pain is not meditating or hypnosis or calmly listening to flute solos while my body rocks and sways

 

My body will still do what it needs to do

and i will let it

I will not fight

but I will also yell and scream and punch the wall or the bed or Chris' chest

I will cry and look into his eyes for support

 

this time i thought that maybe if i had some herbs and oils to help me i would be more calm

by the time I got into the thick of the emotion and pain i completely forgot that my "birthing bag" even existed

it sat there in the corner all by itself and never was touched

 

all i needed were 6 hands on me and some hot water

I was left completely alone for one solitary contraction

during the rise in intensity i yelled "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

and within seconds my 6 hands were back where they were needed

 

birth was not meant to be accomplished alone

at least not for this mama

this mama needs a husbands hands to hold/break, a midwifes hands to massage, and a mothers hands filled with hot compresses

 

I look at this tiny baby who is quickly becoming a fat cheeked little man and I will wonder HOW in the world did that fit through *that*

THAT is the true miracle of birth

 

I might have said inappropriate things, screamed "I CAN'T DO THIS!" and tearfully confessed that I felt like a wuss, but I think about each of my 4 labors with a twisted sort of love for those hours of torture

 

but the few hours of labor, althought important, are just the beginning of parenting...

 

 

 

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