Tuesday, May 28, 2013

the realistic hospital packing list

usually i wait until about 36 weeks to pack a bag for "go time"
izzy was born at 37, with no help from anyone, so i just like to be prepared
this time, with everything going on in there and down there i'm starting to get ready a few weeks early
i'll probably still be sitting in my perfectly cleaned and organized house ontop of a packed bag until 42 weeks
but hey, at least i'll be ready
i have been on both ends of the "prepared" spectrum
with izzy, i was absurdly overly prepared. typical first parent syndrome.
we had clothes, birthing ball, a large bag of crap just for the baby, tons of books, food etc.
most of that came home with us completely untouched
with hank i was not ready at all. he came the latest out of the 3 too so i don't understand why i wasn't ready. i think i was just convinced, by 39 weeks, that he was never coming out and had given up. i remember taking clothes out of the bag i had packed to wear because i was lazy and tired and had given up
but i will say this friends: after giving birth to hank, hanging out in the hospital for 3 days, and finally being let go, i had nothing to wear home but one of those half robes that barely covers your butt. yes, its true. i forgot to pack the "going home clothes" and was NOT about to put back on the things i was wearing when i went into labor.
so that was a tiny bit embarassing
onto the list
there are so many suggestions of things to bring to the hospital for baby time
i like to go minimal (as we all saw in the paragraph above) but still be prepared
also, i have parents and siblings coming back and forth after the birth who can always grab something if we need it so i don't really have to panic about forgetting something...like the carseat. yep, we forgot the carseat too when i went into labor with hank. we're awesome like that.
 During Labor:
i list this first because it is MOST important during labor. your lips will feel like you've been making out with a cotton ball. also i screamgrowled at chris to find my chapstick ASAP when i was in transition with hank. be sure to fill his pockets with sticks of the stuff so he's not tearing apart your purse while you're screaming
ginger hard candy
you will be told that you aren't allowed to drink water
you will also be tempted to start taking gulps of tub/shower water while your midwife is not looking
its a thirsty time
ice chips are cool and everything but the ginger will help calm you down too
whole foods has a delicious one
hair ties, headbands, bobby pins
put your hair up in early labor
once the real stuff starts you wont want to be touched
you will also be EXTREMELY annoyed with any stray hairs touching your face, ears, head
you will wish you shaved your hair off
its better to just get it out of the way early on
camera, phone, and all the chargers
sure, you might end up with some scary pictures but you will also end up with some awesome ones. my mom was there helping me and was able to get pictures of all of us immediately post birth. some of those pictures i don't ever want to see again. think of the goriest scene in the patriot. yeah. see if that gets out of your head any time soon.
it is also possible that your husband will wish to snap quick pictures of you with sweat dripping down your face, veins popping out of your neck, and crazy eyes. don't deny him this moment.
if he says you're beautiful, believe him
personally i think most women are gorgeous immediately after pushing out a kid
sleep bra
notice i didn't say anything about packing "cute comfortable clothes to labor in"
thats because this is useless
(unless you're having an epi, then wear all the cute stuff you want)
i actually did it with 2 out of 3 and never used them
stick with the hospital gown
you will most likely tear it off in a fit of hormonal rage once sh*t gets real
they will take it away in a hazmat bag and you don't ever have to see it again
i wore a sleep bra because i wanted my ladies covered. honestly i don't know why it just made me feel better. everything else was showing but hey, they were covered.
and i threw it away as soon as i got to take my first shower
it had white slime and blood on it from snuggling with the baby right when it came out
Post Birth and Recovery
sounds weird
but once the baby is out will you start to shiver and shake like you're naked in the north pole
some hormonal thing happens
i don't get it
but the stupid little hospital sheet wont help
i did get lucky last time and some sweet nurse brought me a pile of blankets straight from the warmer
but i plan on being prepared with my own big blanket this time just in case that doesn't happen again
its miserable
i will be going to goodwill for half price day in a couple weeks and picking up some cheap blankets that i wont mind throwing away if they get something nasty on them...which they most likely will
make up
sure, your sweet man will snap pictures of you while you're still reaching down to grab your slimy white and purple baby. he will say you look beautiful.
but later when you finally realize you're exhausted and your face gets the memo you'll wish you had a little mascara before the guests start coming in
you thought your breath was bad when you woke up after a crazy night of eating cheezits?
think again.
it will be terrible
you will thank me for this one
you wont be allowed to stand up to brush your teeth for at least a few hours, possibly longer if things went "zombie movie" on you
the hospital gives you those super awesome old lady socks (to go with your old lady depends) but they are scratchy and don't breathe one little bit
i always bring a few pairs of my own
at this point you will want to feel slightly human again
you will also not be wearing prepregnancy clothes
nice try friends
bring yoga pants, pajama pants, sweatpants, tank tops that are easy to nurse in, A BRA (because i forgot mine), a hoodie.
sure, you will get a meal brought straight from the kitchen even if its 2am
you will eat said meal in about 30 seconds while your husband snores on the bed beside you
you will think it was a dream because you will still be SO FREAKING HUNGRY
so bring healthy things to get back some of those calories you just burned
you can have friends and family bring you stuff later but i think they might get mad if you call them at this ungodly hour just to bring you a bag of raisins and sunflower seeds or some granola bars.
its cute how most packing lists i've seen online say "bring snacks for your husband"
no, you will not allow him to eat while you're in labor. its just not going to happen. unless you have an epidural and you don't need his hand for crushing during each contraction
and no, he's not going to want to eat after you give birth
he will pass out the second BEFORE you get to the recovery room
yes i said before. the nurses actually tucked chris in and put a pillow under his head because he fell asleep so fast after hank was born
hospital pillows are terrible
you will probably use some for under your feet or something but bring your own for your head
unless you like sleeping on something that very closely resembles a folded tarp
going home clothes
don't try to get fancy
unless this is your first baby and you'll be taking the "first step into the house for the new baby" pictures. but like i said before, don't forget this important thing.
magazines/amish books
ok fine you can substitute any other light reading you wish if you aren't into beverly lewis
honestly you probably wont get a ton of reading done because you will be holding your new baby, napping, or have friends visiting you in your room but its a nice thought right?
For the Sweet Babe
going home clothes
baby mittens
the baby is obviously easy
the hospital will most likely provide you with a very small stash of newborn diapers, wipes, stuff for the beef jerky in their belly button, stuff for a circumcision if applicable, and a blanket.
they will also be checking the baby in all sorts of places while you're staying there and its just easy to keep the baby in the little tshirt they give it
the mittens are important though because after 2.5 seconds after making its grand entrance into the world, the child will start using its razor claws to scratch up its beautiful little smushed swollen face and you will get sad
for the husband/birth coach/sexy baby daddy you will not be allowed to jump for 6 weeks
(just had to remind you of that. your welcome)
this is tophers most important item on the list
he will NOT set foot on the hospital floor without his slippers
after seeing what comes out of a woman during/after labor he is terrified
he wont even walk on the floor with just his socks
nearly as important to chris as his slippers but coming in at a close 2nd
apparently staring at the new baby for 3 days isn't entertainment enough
who knew
he'll want it
possibly 2 because he'll be uncomfortable in the chairbed they give him
he will also wish for a shower after being sprayed in the face with what he calls "placenta juice" when your little purple lizard child comes flying out and he will want his own soap, shampoo, and beard oil
because every husband wants to look good for the student nurses who will be coming in to check on you
i mean...for you, his beautiful radiant wife who just spent 9 months growing his sweet baby
there are some unconventional things i will be bringing as well that most people wouldn't have on their own list but i will share with you anyway
-a little box of my essential oils
-baby powder (because i will only wash my hair once in the hospital)
-a jar of coconut oil (because this is pretty much my only "toiletry" item
-my little shady looking baggies of vitamin powder
-nettle tincture
-ginger tincture
For Me:
  • chapstick
  • ginger candy
  • hair ties
  • camera/phone/chargers
  • sleep bra
  • blanket
  • makeup
  • gum
  • socks
  • clothes
  • snacks
  • pillows
  • books/magazines
For Baby
  • going home clothes
  • carseat
  • mittens
For Dad
  • slippers
  • books
  • pillow
  • toiletries
  • clothes
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