Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lets Talk About Coconut Oil

not all coconut oil is created equal
if you walk into a health food store the chances of you being able to get real, expeller pressed, good for you coconut oil are pretty high
walk into walmart though, and you have to make a choice
do you want the cheap, refined coconut oil?
this belongs in the same category as vegetable or canola oil
gross. NOT what you want.
of do you want the real stuff that actually comes with all the health benefits?
this one is an example of good fat
so be careful what you buy
you might think you're getting the real thing and the one that will help you, but you might be tricked into the bad one by the price tag
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Thursday, January 24, 2013

why i hate pinterest

first, i love pinterest
the hell you say?
no i really do. i think its useful for storing things like workouts that i will actually use and ideas for the kids
i mean its like a giant free magazine! and who doesn't like that.
what i hate about pinterest is how ridiculous it is
i have pinned some pretty stupid things that i haven't even looked at a second time
women are spending hours on this website pinning hundreds of outfits they will never be able to afford, food that nobody should ever be eating, and crafts and projects that should they will never get to
according to pinterest us mothers have to have huge blowout birthday parties for our kids every year
Pinned Image
we have to have the most organized home on the planet
we have to want things that we will never be able to have (umm...can you say not healthy?)
we have to spend hours every day to make our hair look perfect
we have to save every piece of trash that comes through our house
essentially we have to become nutella obsessed hoarders who waste most of our time making some of the most absurd crafts
i mean really? who has time for this?
I see this craft all over Pinterest. If you can’t tell by the photo (who are we kidding, of course you can), this is a piece of “art” made with toilet paper rolls.
I’m sorry, but there is no way that this won’t look exactly like what it is— cut up TP rolls glued together. Your friends will not be impressed by your craftiness. Instead, they may wonder why you decided to save up all your empty Charmin cardboard and then spend time hot gluing them together into a shape. To hang on your wall. For the world to see.
As Tim Gun would say, it looks like an art school project. And by art school I mean 3rd grade art class. There is no making it work here.
and what?!
for dinner its the 6 cheese pasta with cheddar bisquits
and for dessert its the 10 layer cookie dip
1 layer of cream cheese, 1 layer of nutella, 1 layer of butter, 1 layer of crumbled bacon, 1 layer of cool whip, 1 layer of brownie mix, 1 layer of peanut butter cups, 1 layer of cheese, 1 layer of fudge, 1 layer of peanut butter
dip a cookie in that
monster cookie dip!
mmm. everybody wants that at the next super bowl party
most of these recipes should come with a coupon for an ambulance ride
can we talk about cake pops for a second?
WTF was someone thinking when they came up with that one?
cake pops have no business existing.
who are you trying to impress with your pin boards? and how unhappy is it making you with your life? nobody should be upset about having a simple life.
again, i do like pinterest but i constantly see it being abused.
honestly i wish there were about 5x more humor boards
i laugh when i see someone post a paula deen recipe and then their next pin is a 1 hour cardio circuit
first, you're going to need more than 1 hour of cardio to burn off what you just cooked. second, please don't eat paula deen food
props to you if you're actually a crafty person and doing these crafts that you're pinning
thats awesome
i wish i was more crafty
but don't start getting crazy with the idea that you NEED to be the craftiest, hottest, trendiest person you know
and then there's the people who get all dramatic and post quotes about not being hurt by so-and-so. and i don't mean one pin with a quote
i mean 25 in a row
can you say "unfollow"?
I didn't know how to put it in words at first but omg this just took the thoughts out of my head and filtered it into words
what this should really say is "everybody look at me and feel bad for me. me me me me me"
just stop ok?
so now that i've offended most of my pinning friends, i will go clean up my boards and search some more humor pins to laugh at
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Monday, January 14, 2013

can cold give you a cold?

i have heard so very many people say things like "put on a coat, you'll get sick" or "don't go outside barefoot. you'll get sick" or "bundle'll get sick"
from what?
the wind?
did the wind blow a germ into your mouth?
i mean i guess thats possibly but HIGHLY unlikely
this is an old wives tale
one i am quite sure my mother never actually bought into considering some of the things we were allowed to do when we were younger
-swim in lake michigan when it was 45 degrees
-run barefoot in the snow just to see if we could handle it (not entirely sure my mom knew about this one)
-camp in ice storms (with my3 month old little brother!)
-go coatless while ice skating
you can not catch anything from being out in the cold
there HAS to be an actual germ or virus or bacteria that you get exposed to and the cold air/wind does not count
now, if you get hypothermia your immune system will be compromised and then you might be exposted to a germ and then you can't fight it off as easy
but again, the cold weather didn't give it to you
people get sick in the winter because windows are closed, kids are in school, and some people are less active (exercise is good for you immune system)
germs are floating around/being sneezed and coughed on you, and getting passed easier than they would in the summer
so, if your kids don't feel like wearing a coat when its cold, they're not going to get sick, they're just going to get cold. not A cold. just cold.
and most likely they'll be back in the house within minutes asking for their coat and hat
real quick, while we're talking about germs and such...
stop being nasty and spreading your contaminated feces and vomit particles around on stuff when you're sick with a stomach virus
thats the only way it gets passed you know
wash your freaking hands and stay home
do you even know how much poop is on your bathroom door handle and the faucets?
yeah, its gross
and lastly
ok i'm done
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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

hope you enjoyed your flu shot, now that you have the flu


does anybody else remember a time when you only got sick once a year?
i do
me and my friends would only have a sick day or 2 a year. A YEAR!
not once a month
and certainly not for a week at a time
what happened, i ask you?
maybe if it was a crazy year we would get a 24 hour (not week long) stomach thing and a little cold

before i tell you my theories (emphasis on THEORY) i need to say something that you already know but will need to be reminded of as you read my conspiracy theories:
i do not work for the CDC
i have never done extensive research on the flu vaccine
i am not an ex-government employee telling all the secrets they don't want us to know

first, i think our food supply has a lot to do with all the sickness that happens now
people eat crap, they catch crap, and they feel like crap a lot
thats my scientific explanation
but thanks to the crap eaters, us non-crap eaters are exposed to more germs
thanks a lot
enjoy your genetically modified, sugar filled, food-less breakfast
food is supposed to be the best medicine, so obviously if you're not eating the real stuff its going to hurt you and your immune system

second, can we all just agree that the overuse of antibacterial products has caused our bodies to be unable to kill off germs as effectively? i know most people in any medical profession will probably strongly disagree with me
i don't care what you say

thats all i have to say about that
except that I'm not sure there is a good way around this one
you can stop using it yourself
but this doesn't prevent it from being everywhere around you
also i firmly believe that vaccines don't help your immune system at all
third, the flu vaccine has caused the actual flu virus to mutate faster than it would have if the whole world wasn't trying to avoid getting sick.

ok, this is where people get all like "ok hannah, talk to you later"
but think about it
also, why did most people get the shot, and they're still all getting sick?


i'm not telling you that the government has told us we all need the shot so they can implant a tracking device into our skin (although how cool would that be?!) you should probably google "flu shot conspiracies". i will admit it right now. i did. it was hilarious.

side note, did you know that when you get a vaccine early in the season its actually last years strain they're trying to use up? not that it really matters anyways

also, the media would have us believe that should we come into contact with a person infected with a flu virus, we might as well go out and buy our casket and plan our funeral
i realize it can be dangerous to certain groups of people but c'mon, really?
you can die just as easily in a car accident, falling down the stairs and breaking your neck, falling off a cliff in the middle of iowa.
ok maybe not that last one, but you get my point.
please stop watching the news
you'll instantly feel better

i think its time to go pull contagion out of the movie bin and enjoy myself
please feel free to comment on how stupid i am and how mad you are that i'm not vaccinating myself or my family against everything under the sun

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