the realistic hospital packing list

usually i wait until about 36 weeks to pack a bag for "go time"

izzy was born at 37, with no help from anyone, so i just like to be prepared

this time, with everything going on in there and down there i'm starting to get ready a few weeks early

i'll probably still be sitting in my perfectly cleaned and organized house ontop of a packed bag until 42 weeks

but hey, at least i'll be ready

 

i have been on both ends of the "prepared" spectrum

with izzy, i was absurdly overly prepared. typical first parent syndrome.

we had clothes, birthing ball, a large bag of crap just for the baby, tons of books, food etc.

most of that came home with us completely untouched

 

with hank i was not ready at all. he came the latest out of the 3 too so i don't understand why i wasn't ready. i think i was just convinced, by 39 weeks, that he was never coming out and had given up. i remember taking clothes out of the bag i had packed to wear because i was lazy and tired and had given up

oops

but i will say this friends: after giving birth to hank, hanging out in the hospital for 3 days, and finally being let go, i had nothing to wear home but one of those half robes that barely covers your butt. yes, its true. i forgot to pack the "going home clothes" and was NOT about to put back on the things i was wearing when i went into labor.

eww.

so that was a tiny bit embarassing

 

onto the list

 

there are so many suggestions of things to bring to the hospital for baby time

i like to go minimal (as we all saw in the paragraph above) but still be prepared

also, i have parents and siblings coming back and forth after the birth who can always grab something if we need it so i don't really have to panic about forgetting something...like the carseat. yep, we forgot the carseat too when i went into labor with hank. we're awesome like that.

 During Labor:

 

chapstick

i list this first because it is MOST important during labor. your lips will feel like you've been making out with a cotton ball. also i screamgrowled at chris to find my chapstick ASAP when i was in transition with hank. be sure to fill his pockets with sticks of the stuff so he's not tearing apart your purse while you're screaming

 

ginger hard candy

you will be told that you aren't allowed to drink water

you will also be tempted to start taking gulps of tub/shower water while your midwife is not looking

its a thirsty time

ice chips are cool and everything but the ginger will help calm you down too

whole foods has a delicious one

 

 

hair ties, headbands, bobby pins

put your hair up in early labor

once the real stuff starts you wont want to be touched

you will also be EXTREMELY annoyed with any stray hairs touching your face, ears, head

you will wish you shaved your hair off

its better to just get it out of the way early on

 

camera, phone, and all the chargers

sure, you might end up with some scary pictures but you will also end up with some awesome ones. my mom was there helping me and was able to get pictures of all of us immediately post birth. some of those pictures i don't ever want to see again. think of the goriest scene in the patriot. yeah. see if that gets out of your head any time soon.

it is also possible that your husband will wish to snap quick pictures of you with sweat dripping down your face, veins popping out of your neck, and crazy eyes. don't deny him this moment.

if he says you're beautiful, believe him

personally i think most women are gorgeous immediately after pushing out a kid

 

 

sleep bra

notice i didn't say anything about packing "cute comfortable clothes to labor in"

thats because this is useless

(unless you're having an epi, then wear all the cute stuff you want)

i actually did it with 2 out of 3 and never used them

stick with the hospital gown

you will most likely tear it off in a fit of hormonal rage once sh*t gets real

they will take it away in a hazmat bag and you don't ever have to see it again

i wore a sleep bra because i wanted my ladies covered. honestly i don't know why it just made me feel better. everything else was showing but hey, they were covered.

and i threw it away as soon as i got to take my first shower

it had white slime and blood on it from snuggling with the baby right when it came out

 

 

Post Birth and Recovery

 

blankets

sounds weird

but once the baby is out will you start to shiver and shake like you're naked in the north pole

some hormonal thing happens

i don't get it

but the stupid little hospital sheet wont help

i did get lucky last time and some sweet nurse brought me a pile of blankets straight from the warmer

but i plan on being prepared with my own big blanket this time just in case that doesn't happen again

its miserable

i will be going to goodwill for half price day in a couple weeks and picking up some cheap blankets that i wont mind throwing away if they get something nasty on them...which they most likely will

 

make up

sure, your sweet man will snap pictures of you while you're still reaching down to grab your slimy white and purple baby. he will say you look beautiful.

but later when you finally realize you're exhausted and your face gets the memo you'll wish you had a little mascara before the guests start coming in

 

gum

you thought your breath was bad when you woke up after a crazy night of eating cheezits?

think again.

it will be terrible

you will thank me for this one

you wont be allowed to stand up to brush your teeth for at least a few hours, possibly longer if things went "zombie movie" on you

 

socks

the hospital gives you those super awesome old lady socks (to go with your old lady depends) but they are scratchy and don't breathe one little bit

i always bring a few pairs of my own

 

clothes

at this point you will want to feel slightly human again

you will also not be wearing prepregnancy clothes

nice try friends

bring yoga pants, pajama pants, sweatpants, tank tops that are easy to nurse in, A BRA (because i forgot mine), a hoodie.

 

snacks

lots.of.snacks

sure, you will get a meal brought straight from the kitchen even if its 2am

you will eat said meal in about 30 seconds while your husband snores on the bed beside you

you will think it was a dream because you will still be SO FREAKING HUNGRY

so bring healthy things to get back some of those calories you just burned

you can have friends and family bring you stuff later but i think they might get mad if you call them at this ungodly hour just to bring you a bag of raisins and sunflower seeds or some granola bars.

its cute how most packing lists i've seen online say "bring snacks for your husband"

no, you will not allow him to eat while you're in labor. its just not going to happen. unless you have an epidural and you don't need his hand for crushing during each contraction

and no, he's not going to want to eat after you give birth

he will pass out the second BEFORE you get to the recovery room

yes i said before. the nurses actually tucked chris in and put a pillow under his head because he fell asleep so fast after hank was born

dawwwww

 

pillows

hospital pillows are terrible

you will probably use some for under your feet or something but bring your own for your head

unless you like sleeping on something that very closely resembles a folded tarp

 

going home clothes

don't try to get fancy

unless this is your first baby and you'll be taking the "first step into the house for the new baby" pictures. but like i said before, don't forget this important thing.

 

magazines/amish books

ok fine you can substitute any other light reading you wish if you aren't into beverly lewis

honestly you probably wont get a ton of reading done because you will be holding your new baby, napping, or have friends visiting you in your room but its a nice thought right?

 

 

For the Sweet Babe

 

going home clothes

carseat

baby mittens

 

the baby is obviously easy

the hospital will most likely provide you with a very small stash of newborn diapers, wipes, stuff for the beef jerky in their belly button, stuff for a circumcision if applicable, and a blanket.

they will also be checking the baby in all sorts of places while you're staying there and its just easy to keep the baby in the little tshirt they give it

the mittens are important though because after 2.5 seconds after making its grand entrance into the world, the child will start using its razor claws to scratch up its beautiful little smushed swollen face and you will get sad

 

for the husband/birth coach/sexy baby daddy you will not be allowed to jump for 6 weeks

 

(just had to remind you of that. your welcome)

 

slippers

this is tophers most important item on the list

he will NOT set foot on the hospital floor without his slippers

after seeing what comes out of a woman during/after labor he is terrified

he wont even walk on the floor with just his socks

 

books

nearly as important to chris as his slippers but coming in at a close 2nd

apparently staring at the new baby for 3 days isn't entertainment enough

who knew

 

pillow

he'll want it

possibly 2 because he'll be uncomfortable in the chairbed they give him

 

toiletries

he will also wish for a shower after being sprayed in the face with what he calls "placenta juice" when your little purple lizard child comes flying out and he will want his own soap, shampoo, and beard oil

 

clothes

because every husband wants to look good for the student nurses who will be coming in to check on you

i mean...for you, his beautiful radiant wife who just spent 9 months growing his sweet baby

 

_______________________________________

there are some unconventional things i will be bringing as well that most people wouldn't have on their own list but i will share with you anyway

-a little box of my essential oils

-baby powder (because i will only wash my hair once in the hospital)

-a jar of coconut oil (because this is pretty much my only "toiletry" item

-my little shady looking baggies of vitamin powder

-nettle tincture

-ginger tincture

_______________________

_________________________

 

For Me:

• chapstick
• ginger candy
• hair ties
• camera/phone/chargers
• sleep bra
• blanket
• makeup
• gum
• socks
• clothes
• snacks
• pillows
• books/magazines

For Baby

• going home clothes
• carseat
• mittens

 

For Dad

• slippers
• books
• pillow
• toiletries
• clothes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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to the nurses

happy nurses week!

honestly i think nurses need more recognition than just a week of people posting on their facebook walls a generic "thanks nurse" post.

but maybe thats because we deal with nurses quite a bit and get to see all the terrible things they have to do

every time i have someone taking care of me or Reed, i am so thankful

i don't understand how any patient could ever yell at a nurse

like seriously, you people don't deserve to be treated if you're going to yell at the person who cleans up after you and does all kinds of nasty stuff

even though they will probably never read this, i just want to say how much i appreciate the Vandy nurses

we have spent lots of time in the children's hospital and in labor and delivery over the past few years

so much time in fact, that the children's emergency room nurses know us by name

there are a few who come in and say hi to Reed and I when they recognize his name on the board

yes, how sad is that?

but its also awesome

they've helped save his life several times

i mean seriously, how do you thank someone for that?

they have helped hold down my screaming child while starting IVs and taking blood.

they've had to talk to a crying and sometimes somewhat hysterical (especially at the beginning of our food allergy adventure) mother.

they've had to restart IVs, re-stick leads, and refill breathing treatments because Reed was tweaking on albuterol and steroids and ripped them all out

and then do it all again an hour later

__________

if you have ever seen the birth of a child you know what those people have to do

gross

i wouldn't even want to clean up my own afterbirth let alone someone elses

plus to have to listen to the laboring mother all night...that has to get annoying

(no wonder the nurses in the hospital up north kept trying to make me get an epi)

and yet they say they love it?

again, gross

placenta

ungodly amounts of blood

amniotic fluid (or placenta juice like chris calls it)

and other random nastiness that comes along with birth

L&D nurses:

you are a special kind of human

next time you are in the hospital for any reason, please be nice to your nurses

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Half Way

today i am halfway

i guess maybe i should say that a week from today i am halfway but only because i always assume i'll be pregnant for 42 weeks

 

you know, because babies don't like schedules

but if you look on my chart at my midwife's office i'm 20 weeks

 

i have yet to actually experience my due date but i will not put it past this child considering the fact that it made me sicker and more tired than any of the other 3 pregnancies

 

i have currently been craving honeydew melon and cold canned salmon (eww. i know. but i can't help it)

 

i am 6lbs into my 25

i believe most of it has gone to my backside

chris doesn't mind in the least

 

i am mostly over the horrible HG i was experiencing the first 17 weeks

i can now manage any nausea with tea and ginger like a normal person

 

i am also extremely worried that i wont be able to get everything ready in the next 20 weeks

20 WEEKS

5 months

MONTHS

but if i'm being honest here i'm still catching up on laundry from 2 weeks ago

so its possible that if i don't get my big booty in gear, i wont be ready

 

so now i make lists

food i need to make and freeze mostly

i'm not expecting to get any post baby meals due to our "weird" diet so i'm trying to plan ahead and have plenty in the freezer

 

it took me 3 pregnancies to finally realize the importance of naps

i want all you first time moms to listen up for a second

nap

seriously

i used the excuse "i have so much i could get done instead"

but seriously, napping is going to help you out so much in the end

more than having the windows washed just then

or the furniture polished

or the kitchen floor swept

those things can happen after nap

even if you only get 20 minutes you need to try every day

i can't stress this enough

nap

nap

napnapnapnap

 

this is the first pregnancy i took my mothers advice on this seriously

and i wish i had done it earlier

think of it as part of the important ingredients to building a healthy baby and keeping yourself healthy

the first trimester diet

the first thing you want to think about is what will come up easily
thats right
you do want it to go down but you'll want to expect it to be coming back at some point so chips and chopped salad probably isn't a good plan right now
things like applesauce, oatmeal....lemon water. those are things that might come up easy

next think of what you can't stand the sight or smell of:
chicken, mint, sweet, cumin, beer, plain water, broccoli, cabbage, carrots, saltines, cookies,
don't even bother trying to eat these as they will be puked out short after trying and you will have wasted them

add cinnamon to anything you can...even hot water
this helps with nausea i promise
unless of course its on your "i can't stand the sight of it" list

 

like mint
ugh

now, if you have a moment in the day where something sounds absolutely delicious and you're actually hungry, EAT! quickly. but no more than a few bites. this feeling wont last long. also if you get yourself even remotely full you will be sick not long after

in order to not get dehydrated, mix tiny amounts of your kids vitamin drink in some water and sip on that all day. at least you're getting something right?
and don't believe the gingerale myth
its just sugar and will not help you at all
most ginger ale doesn't even have ginger in it
stay away from that
stick with things like lemon water, fresh ginger tea, and hot water with cinnamon and honey

next, apoligize to your family in advance for the large amounts of tofu and beans you will be cooking in the next several months since the smell of chicken makes you gag
also say you're sorry for the fact that you can't stand the taste of gum or mints...unless its fruit flavored of course. but even that is pushing it

make a great effort to cook dinner in the morning since noon is when it gets real bad
start stocking up on packages of tofu, rice pasta, chicken sausage, and basil marinara fron trader joes since thats what youre going to be making your family eat quite often
be thankful you married a man who loves italian food

nap

the end
 

 

 

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3 birth stories in a row. cover your eyes. this could get nasty.

as per the request of a pregnant friend i am going on a blogging adventure with my first 3 births

if you are squeemish please don't read this

i'm not shy

 

 

Izzy

 

i went to see my midwife for my 37 week appointment and was told that my BP was way too high

i was sent into Mercy hospital in Aurora, IL for observation for a few hours

a few hours turned into overnight...which i was not happy about at all

she told me i was having contractions every 2 minutes but i didn't believe her since i could barely feel a thing

around 1145pm i decided to try to get some sleep

sleep? with stupid monitors attached to me?

right

anyways...i was falling asleep

midnight struck

POP! water broke

just like that

i yelled some explatives and told chris to find my nurse

she came in to check me and make sure i hadn't just peed myself since this was my first baby and maybe i didn't know what i was talking about

i mean really? a water balloon just popped between my legs. i think i know the difference between that and peeing

 

chris turned this awesome ghostly white color and was instructed to "sit down please dad"

which he gladly did

within 2 minutes of the flood, the real contractions started

yeah i was surprised

i knew they would be bad but i didn't know THIS bad

i had to lie in bed due to my pre-eclampsia problem which was literally the worst position for me to be in

around 2am chris decided to pretend to sleep

i didnt find out he was pretending until izzy was 6months old

he said he was tired of hearing me moan

haha

oh chris

he has come a looooong way since that night

 

by 8am i was 6cm and my midwife came in to see how i was doing

she let me get up for a little bit

i swore

i yelled

i knew nothing of this relaxing she was talking about

i think izzy would have been born several hours earlier if i had known what i heck i was doing

 

at 11am i got the urge to push

oh thank the good Lord!

at 1220pm out she came!

all gray and slimy

chris started bawling because he thought something was wrong with her

i had tried to warn him that its not like the movies but he didn't want to hear about it

so he had to learn the hard way that a newborn infant is not pink and fat and beautiful

oh no

they are nasty and covered in white slime and sometimes a grayish purple color

also they have a conehead

so adorable!

my midwife said "tell mom what you have dad"

chris said "i can't see! i'm crying"

awwww

so we discovered it was a girl

we named her isabella

chris cut the cord and she started nursing within minutes of her entry into the world

 

 

 

 

Reed

 

i thought that since izzy was born at 37 weeks this next one might come at the same time

but no

he had to wait an extra week just to make me that much more excited to see him

i had been having some awesome fake contractions for months

the night i went into labor thats what i thought was going on

but when i tried to lie down to get some rest i couldn't get comfortable

i still didn't think it was labor

i drank a huge glass of water

then another

then tried to lie down again

no such luck

still miserable

did i think i was in real labor?

of course not

then at 10pm, BAM! those real contractions i had forgotten all about

somehow after each birth you forget what REAL contractions feel like

i think God did that so we'd still want more kids

although now with all the epidurals and stuff women don't have to feel anything

but for me, yes, i feel them. all the way till the end

 

anyways, i started panicing because it started so fast

i made chris call my mom, who we had decided would help with coaching in the hospital

she jumped out of bed, and out of the pop up camper they were living in down the road at the time

and had dad drive her here within about 2 seconds

mom called my midwife when we were on our way to vandy

my contractions were coming 4 minutes apart and lasting 60 seconds

yep, this was not a joke

i was riding in the front seat of our cherokee

NOT a smooth ride

especially with chris freaking out and going 90

i pretty much almost killed him each time we hit a bump

our marriage was hanging on a thread there for a minute

just kidding

but seriously men...chill out on the driving on the wives to the hospital

if they have the kid in the car its not the end of the world

we pulled into the ER, i got wheeled into the waiting room in the worlds MOST uncomfortable wheel chair

and then i was left there, in hard labor, for 45 minutes

yes ladies, 45 minutes of yelling and screaming in a waiting room full of people

 

finally i got into a room and was told i was 5 cm.

phew! no baby in the car

not that i would have really cared

this was about midnight

 

2am i was 7cm

7am....still 7cm

then i started crying

an entire night of labor and barely anything to show for it

i had tried every position, lying, standing ,squatting, the shower, the birthing ball, hands and knees....but nothing

at 10am i finally let my midwife break my water...since i was STILL 7cm. boy did that get things going

let me tell you though, that was the worst part of the whole night.

horrible

horriblehorriblehorrible

the contractions got a million times worse

 

within an hour i was pushing and an hour later out came reed

although we were so excited the whole thing was over that we forgot to even check what i had just pushed out

oops

we were just excited

i remember somebody saying "what is it?"

oh yeah. sorry people. its a boy.

reed was not a great nurser

the first night was miserable

lots of screaming (by him of course) and i cried

now looking back and knowing what i know about him i think it was due to his allergies

a pediatrician would probably call me crazy but i think he was reacting even when i was pregnant with him

 



Hank

 

sweet little hank decided to follow the trend and wait yet another week to make his appearance

i was 39 weeks

and miserable

september is HOT in tennessee

especially when you're fat

ugh

 

i had been having contractions, good ones but not too awful, for several hours that day

i called my midwife

she said "since its your 3rd i better check you just to see whats going on"

so i went in

i was 2cm

for all i know i had been 2cm for weeks

thats just how things go after the first baby

she said "walk"

so i walked the L&D floor for an hour

kept having contractions

still 2cm

she said "how about you go home and sleep and you'll probably have this baby sometime tomorrow"

so i was lying on the bed waiting for my discharge papers

2 minutes before she brought them in i had a REAL contraction

yep...those ones you forget about again

it brought a little tear to my eye

so pathetic

by the time she came back i was in the middle of another one and was white knuckling the bed

she goes "oh. well...i guess i we might not need these papers after all"

she let me get through a few more

then she checked me

5cm

what?! already?!

"ok, lets get you a room"

which i had to walk to...across the skywalk

that was weird

i had to stop every minute or 2 to grunt my way through another contraction

got into the bed for 15 minutes to be on the monitors

then i was allowed to get into the birthing tub

or the glorious birthing tub

it helped

alot actually

suddenly i thought i was goign to throw up

i didn't

but i thought i was

then i remember thinking "this is way too soon for this part of it"

then i suddenly thought i was dying

usually the "i'm dying" part of labor is right before the pushing part of labor

"there's no way" i thought. its way too soon

then i thought "if this is how its going to be for the next 10 hours i'm going to cave and get an epidural or i'm not going to make it"

i remember topher's watch touching me while he was coaching

it was cold

i got very angry

according to him i turned into satan and growled at him "get that watch away from me"

and shortly after that i really really needed my chapstick

like asap people

chapstick!

my midwife said "how about you get out of the tub and i'll see how much progress you've made"

i got on the bed, laid down, and felt a pop

yay! the water breaks!

at this point there was some little nursing student trying to stick an IV in my hand and trying to get me to sign some papers

my midwife pushed her back and said "get away from her. she needs to concentrate and you need to stop bothering her"

 

then all of a sudden i yelled "IT BURNS!"

she went to check me and i heard "oh...there's the head. i see hair"

then chris says "i have to pee"

OH NO YOU DON'T!

my mom said "pee your pants chris. she's about to push"

 

i pushed maybe 3 or 4 times and out came a baby

NOT a cone headed baby. he wasn't in there long enough to get a funny shaped head

he was nice and purple though

he also started nursing right away

i'm pretty sure he was trying to nurse before his feet were out

 

i soon found myself sitting in a rather large puddle of blood

i heard the blood bank being called

i was given a shot of pitocin

then i got really dizzy and sick

but i didn't really care

i had a new baby!

 

 

would i rather have a short really really intense labor or a long still intense but not as much so labor?

i think short

at least it was over fast and i was less tired

plus i didn't have much time try to beg for drugs

 

also let me just say that chris has come a LONG way since izzys birth

he was so lost, the poor guy.

 

he really had no idea what to do so when he was pretending to sleep i couldn't possibly be mad at him

wifes: tell your husbands they HAVE to listen to what labor is going to be like because you're going to make them. even if they don't want to.

he went from pretend sleeping on the couch to saying "hannah. pretend like this is your marathon. you're almost to the finish line. you can do this"

spooning ice chips into my mouth

holding my hand

holding my leg when it was time to push

i am also extremely glad my mom was there for the 2 boys births

i was too embarassed and shy to have her there for izzys

 

but i mean c'mon, the woman has done this 8 times herself so she knows her stuff and she knew what to tell chris to do when he was feeling lost

 

for all you first timers out there i will say this:

if you plan on going natural, don't plan on wearing anything awesome for the actual birth

bring stuff for after

but something about the pain of natural child birth makes you want to be total naked or as close to it as possible by the time you're done

or maybe thats just me?

also i would say practice relaxing

and i don't mean take a nap

i mean relax your whole body

its a hard thing to do when you're at the 30th second of a 60 second contraction and you know another is going to start in 90 seconds but its absolutely necessary to let your body do what it needs to do and NOT fight it

i fought against my uterus when i was in labor with izzy and it hurt more than it should have

i didnt know this until i was having reed and my mom was coaching me on how to chill out

so if it means taking a silly birthing class just to get some instruction on how this is done, i say its worth it

 

also don't be weirded out if your husband is all into the whole experience

chris said he would stay by my head and only look at my face because he was pretty sure he would be too grossed out by the whole birth thing

but no. as soon as i started pushing he was watching everything

he even asked if he could watch the midwife inspect reed's placenta

and he still loves me just the same :)

he even says "after watching you have my babies i have so much more respect for women"



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midwives and my reasons why

just kidding i didn't but some people do

 

its official

i have insurance

which means i can go see my midwife on friday

 

which also means i will tell you all why i choose midwives and NOT a doctor

who knows. there may come a time in my life when i have to actually see an OB but i'm praying that is never the case

here are some reasons i choose midwives

 

1. she will be there the entire time you are in labor. there's no leaving the room for hours to go grab dinner or go to sleep

 no coming in at the last second to catch the baby....or even possibly missing it all together. nope.

 she's there.

 the whole time. and she rocks.

for my last birth my midwife went home when she decided i wasn't in active labor. then 20 minutes later i WAS in active labor and she turned right around and came back and stuck with me the whole time

 

its pretty much almost like having a doula. although my mom now helps out with coaching too. except with hank...hank came too fast and my poor mother stood in the corner not knowing what to do. and now chris knows what to do.

one thing he should NOT do is ask if he can go pee right when i start pushing

nope. he'll never live that one down.

 

 

2. midwives will be as non-invasive as you want them to be. they allow you to be off the monitors and walk around if everything is going fine. they encourage moving in fact.

 they also wont check dilation ever 5 seconds

ugh

 

3. if you want natural they're going to give you natural. they will not pressure you into early induction just because. even if you say "i'm sick of being pregnant" theyre not going to induce unless there is a legit medical reason. and i mean legit. they know the risks involved in inducing a baby before its ready: c-section, stress on the baby, stress on the mom. all that not awesome stuff.

they also wont pressure you into an epidural just because they're tired of hearing you yelling and swearing

 

4. she's not going to get tired of coaching you and helping you through labor and say "you're not progressing fast enough. lets do a c-section". progressing fast enough for who? sorry you missed your 9pm movie doc, but i was busy having a baby. nope. she will let things happen how they're going to happen

 

5. she (at least mine) will encourage yelling during the nasty nasty contractions. especially during transition.

 "yell away my dear"

 

6. she will not make you lie on your back with your feet in stirrups while you push. nope. we all know thats not natural anyways.

you can do it in any position you want. if birthing your baby while squating on the floor feels like the best way in the moment, go for it!

you want to use a birthing stool?

go for it.

you want to have bob marley playing in the background while pushing your kid out?

go for it

 

7. she will remind you over and over that you are a woman and your body was made for this. that you do not need modern medical help (most of the time) to get this child into the world. you don't need drugs and forceps and vacuums and IVs and knives and Lord knows what else.

 

nope. just a good old fashioned uterus and a wall to punch and a husbands hand to break and you're ready to roll

 

 

 

33% of all deliveries are c sections

being induced doubles your chance of having a c section

having an epidural slows down your labor in most cases which then will require pitocin....which as we already know, doubles the csection chances

 

hospitals get between $700 and $1200 for an epidural. hmm. i wonder why doctors are so big on talking moms into them

 

midwives do not like any of this

they are 100% about the laboring woman in front of them

don't let a doctor talk you into believing that childbirth is un natural and crazy to try without help

 

ever watched the business of being born? you probably should. it will make you angry.

also read spiritual midwifery. it will probably mostly make you laugh but its actually an awesome book. hippies rock.

 

so unless you can find the rare doctor that will actually treat you like a human mother, i suggest rethinking your next baby.

but thats just me

 

oh. and for those of you who have asked about home births and why we don't?

its simple.

we're a half hour away from the hospital and i could never forgive myself if something went wrong and we didn't make it in time

 

otherwise i would be down my the creek having my babies every time

 

yep

i said it

in the creek

i might even put the child in a freshly gutted deer to keep them warm while i took a bite out of the placenta

 

 

 

 

 

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

coming to a house in the woods this july

 

yes, its true. all the rumors you've seen floating around social media

 

keldie baby #4 is in the making

well actually...made

just brewing

due july 15th if my calculations are correct

 

this is how i told chris

with bath tub crayons and a very artistic picture on the shower wall

 

i now have an excuse to throw up wherever i want, and wear sweatpants, and take naps, and carry around a bucket and a bag of ginger

i also don't feel the need to fight off sleep at 730pm

i am one of the lucky ones who gets the "fun" pregnancy symptoms before i even know i'm pregnant

crying (more than usual anyway) nausea and sleepyness

so get off my back

im making a kid

whats your excuse?

 

i'm very excited

WE'RE very excited

 

my lady plumbing has clearly not be affected by this ovary disfunction i have

who's surprised?

probably no one

 

 

some of you may be asking "why?"

why do we not wait the usual 12 weeks to spread the news of the growing little one?

1. we can't keep secrets

2. we are excited and celebrating a little life and no matter how long we have it with us we want to be excited with our friends and family. God gave us another baby and its a baby from the moment of conception so that is something to celebrate. this is why we don't wait around for a miscarriage like most people do. if it happens we will of course be sad but at least we got the chance to love it while it was here. 

 

back to (1)...i found out thismorning and had to keep the secret from EVERYBODY until chris got home and found out. this practically killed me. the past 3 times he's knows pretty much immediately and then everybody else knew about 5 minutes later...when chris was done freaking out and squeezing the life out of me. this time i did not run out of the bathroom with my pants barely pulled up holding a pee stick and crying

this time i had to pretend like nothing was going on when he called

ugh

 

but now the world knows

 

surprisingly, my first thought when i was "pregnant" pop up on the test wasn't "holy crap....labor sucks"

nope. after 3 times i guess i'm over the fear

get back to be when i'm about 36 weeks

i might be freaking out

 

feel free to call us or text us and be excited with us 

feel free to NOT say stupid crap like "are you catholic?" or "aren't you worried about over population?" or "wow. you're stupid"

you will surely get a swift kick to the throat

 

yay 4! we can't wait to see you!

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.