Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Because Zoloft Sucks

Some of this might seem "too personal". I don't care. Get over it. Don't read it if you're going to feel weird about knowing some of the dark secrets I have. I'm trying to be honest and open and tell you what your doctor certainly wont.
I have been on Zoloft for the better part of the past 4 years. It all started with the birth of Reed and the dark pit of post partum depression I fell into.
You can read about that HERE if you wish.
I was given the gift of 4 free therapy sessions a few months after Asher was born when I was having panic attacks several times a day for no reason.
Post partum depression has an evil twin called post partum anxiety. I was now dealing with both. My body has taken a beating growing and birthing these 4 sweet children in just over 4 years and as a result, I'm a nut case. So I've been medicated to keep the crazy somewhat under control.
2 weeks ago my doctor cut me off without warning. Said I had to see a psychiatrist if I wanted more meds but that was going to cost an absurd amount of money. My only choice was to go semi-cold turkey off of an anti depressant. Let me tell you this was not pretty.
I just wanted/want to crawl out of my own skin and run away screaming.
From some serious moments of despair and sobbing to night sweats and insomnia I had a range of all the symptoms. I almost passed out in a grocery store. Brain zaps, tunnel vision, nausea...the works. Thankfully I haven't had suicidal thoughts which is apparently one of the withdrawal symptoms. I have had other disturbing thoughts but those are fading.
I am slowly, very slowly coming out of all the withdrawl symptoms. I wish someone would have told me about this before I went on this poison. I wish I lived in a state that had medical marijuana. Herbs before scripts friends!
I noticed something 2 days ago: I can smell and taste EVERYTHING! I had no idea that Zoloft could mute such things but apparently it did. I feel like I'm tasting and smelling things for the first time. Its all so exciting!
If I could go back I don't think I would have NOT started taking this medicine. I didn't really have much of a choice back then.
Will my "crazy" come back? Possibly. But I must press on with Jesus, my natural remedies, and plenty of hugs, and not getting pregnant.
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