Wednesday, January 9, 2013

hope you enjoyed your flu shot, now that you have the flu


does anybody else remember a time when you only got sick once a year?
i do
me and my friends would only have a sick day or 2 a year. A YEAR!
not once a month
and certainly not for a week at a time
what happened, i ask you?
maybe if it was a crazy year we would get a 24 hour (not week long) stomach thing and a little cold

before i tell you my theories (emphasis on THEORY) i need to say something that you already know but will need to be reminded of as you read my conspiracy theories:
i do not work for the CDC
i have never done extensive research on the flu vaccine
i am not an ex-government employee telling all the secrets they don't want us to know

first, i think our food supply has a lot to do with all the sickness that happens now
people eat crap, they catch crap, and they feel like crap a lot
thats my scientific explanation
but thanks to the crap eaters, us non-crap eaters are exposed to more germs
thanks a lot
enjoy your genetically modified, sugar filled, food-less breakfast
food is supposed to be the best medicine, so obviously if you're not eating the real stuff its going to hurt you and your immune system

second, can we all just agree that the overuse of antibacterial products has caused our bodies to be unable to kill off germs as effectively? i know most people in any medical profession will probably strongly disagree with me
i don't care what you say

thats all i have to say about that
except that I'm not sure there is a good way around this one
you can stop using it yourself
but this doesn't prevent it from being everywhere around you
also i firmly believe that vaccines don't help your immune system at all
third, the flu vaccine has caused the actual flu virus to mutate faster than it would have if the whole world wasn't trying to avoid getting sick.

ok, this is where people get all like "ok hannah, talk to you later"
but think about it
also, why did most people get the shot, and they're still all getting sick?


i'm not telling you that the government has told us we all need the shot so they can implant a tracking device into our skin (although how cool would that be?!) you should probably google "flu shot conspiracies". i will admit it right now. i did. it was hilarious.

side note, did you know that when you get a vaccine early in the season its actually last years strain they're trying to use up? not that it really matters anyways

also, the media would have us believe that should we come into contact with a person infected with a flu virus, we might as well go out and buy our casket and plan our funeral
i realize it can be dangerous to certain groups of people but c'mon, really?
you can die just as easily in a car accident, falling down the stairs and breaking your neck, falling off a cliff in the middle of iowa.
ok maybe not that last one, but you get my point.
please stop watching the news
you'll instantly feel better

i think its time to go pull contagion out of the movie bin and enjoy myself
please feel free to comment on how stupid i am and how mad you are that i'm not vaccinating myself or my family against everything under the sun

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