today was the day
occasionally i get overwhelmed by the stress and seclusion of raising a child with life threatening food allergies
there were tears
lots of tears
and some therapytalking with a certain lovely sister of mine
can we just talk about the words "life threatening" for a second?
do you understand what that means?
as in, a dead child
think about losing your own child? and how awful that would be or has been if you've experienced it
this thought is always in the back of my mind
i know i could lose reed to an anaphylactic reaction one day
maybe his last reaction wasn't too bad and was controlled by benedryl or at the hospital
but whats the next one going to be like?
i trust God as much as humanly possible with his little body and his life but i am still human and i am still a mother and i still worry
i don't think most people let that thought run through their mind
not if they don't have a kid that could DIE from food
we do everything we can, as a family, to protect him and yet we try not to be overprotective
allowing a child to get hurt, and get dirty, and eat sticks, and run free in the woods is easy
going to a friends house where you know there is deadly food?
not easy at all
nearly impossible in fact
we were invited to a dessert party this week and were warned that there would be food that included nuts and dairy
we could not go of course
not a big deal...except that we were missing out on hanging out with some special people that we really don't get to see very much
we're kind of used to missing out on things
but that doesn't make it any easier
we do our best to not say anything around the kids so they don't start to feel bad about it
its not their fault
and its not my fault either...which is something i have to remind myself of often
would you be careless with exposing your child to something that could kill him?
i don't think so
so judging us for doing that just isn't cool
we do not like missing out on hangouts and parties
but we do like reed and we'd like to have him around forever
i'm already worried about his future and his friends and if they will try to poison him
i know it sounds a little psychotic to even think about that but kids are stupid
girlfriends are stupid
and i know all i can do is do what i know and pray
pray for the ability to trust God for his safety
we have had friends come and go
we have stopped being invited to do most things
but the life of our kid is 1st on our list
how do i make someone understand all this?
i'm just a little lost
we have made our home a safe place but there is nothing i can do about the rest of the world
i know i can't hide him from everything
i'm not trying to hide him
but i'm also not going to be stupid about it
all this to say, the stress of food got to me today and i broke down
i'm thankful for sisterhugs
i do not have it all together
i don't know everything there is to know
i wish, like every parent out there, that i could make my child's world a safe one
an allergic child makes that so much harder
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