Tuesday, October 2, 2012

dear girls

dear girls:
pretending to have such an absurd fear of clowns that you're going to have a panic attack isn't cute
nobody really likes them. they're gross. but really? a panic attack? screaming? nobody thinks thats attractive.
 
 
 i hope you get ankle problems at 30 and start limping. sorry. thats mean. but i know that 98% of our girls are NOT pigeon toed. you're not 8 anymore. so stop. you really might hurt yourself one day.
 
 
you're full on a celery stick?
nobody thinks thats cool
ooo. good for you! you're giving yourself heart failure, anemia, and your hair might even fall out. lucky you. everyone will totally want to be your friend....when you're DEAD
 
 
i'm confused by the way you're standing? are you doing some kind of weird stretch and touching your hip bone to your armpit? i mean really. this is a serious question. i don't understand why you're standing like that.
 
 
 
if you're cold. thats fine. if you're not cold but you're always talking about how you're ALWAYS cold you will have no friends. just kidding. but seriously...its annoying. bring a jacket.
 
 
your whole life revolves around getting a boyfriend/husband? in 10 years you're going to look back and how much energy you wasted on that one. wait for it girls.
 
 
so hot right now
please continue to paint craploads of makeup on your face. just don't get near me because if some of it falls off on my clothes i'll be pissed. that crap doesn't come out in the wash. p.s. do YOU even know what you really look like? i doubt you even remember.
 
 
 
 
pretending to be dumb is stupid. yep. stupid. and annoying. you're smarter than you're acting.
 
 
you are strong
smart
unique
beautiful
don't sell yourself short
 
 
 
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